


A Discovery of Truth

by therewillberain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 13:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therewillberain/pseuds/therewillberain
Summary: Part way through her 5th year at Hogwarts, Erin Carter, a witty and easily angered Gryffindor is tricked into a situation that she could never have imagined: She's woken up in a shack right next to a werewolf. She's suspicious that her friends have been keeping things from her and if only she could stop thinking about how perfect Sirius's lips are... SiriusxOC. Very mild JxL. T for language and mild PTSD.





	1. Revenge For Snape

A chill was lingering in the air of the dungeons as I left Slughorn’s office, kicking the door slightly on my way out. That had to have been the most boring detention so far this year. I’m going to stink of flobberworms and dirt for a week after this! Letting out an angry huff, I set off pacing down the corridor and peel off the gloves I was wearing to separate the mouldy flobberworms from the good ones. I wrinkle my nose as I shove them in the pockets of my robes. Separating flobberworms… I mean really?! All I did was spike Snape’s potion with extra bat spleen! How was I supposed to know that it would make it incredibly poisonous? He should have been lucky that it didn’t explode in his face… which, I mean, was my intended outcome. Stupid Slughorn **_had_** to notice, didn’t he? Should have realised he’d be watching me and Lily – the Professor can’t keep his admiring eyes off his favourite student. Neither could Snivellus. Ugh. I could feel my temper rising as I flashback to his greasy face eyeing up my best friend and suddenly feel no regret for my actions.

Reaching the stairs that would take me to the Entrance Hall, I hear a smug little laugh from over my shoulder. Speak of the devil. I slowly take my foot off the first step and turn around, arms folded, to look into those greedy black eyes.  
“Out of bed a bit late, aren’t you Snivellus?” I sneer at him, tucking a lock of my short, dark hair behind an ear.  
He stands a few feet away from me with his hands in the pockets of his green lined robes, watching me with great amusement.   
Reaching one hand up to pinch his nose, he retorts, “I came to see what was making such a stink, but-” he pauses to remove his hand and let out a short laugh, “Of course, I should have known how disgusting **_mud_** can be.”

It takes me three steps to frighten him enough to reach for his wand. I stop and run my fingers lightly down my own, still in my pocket. Snape might talk the talk, but I know he is utterly terrified of me, even when I’m not surrounded my friends.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask sarcastically, narrowing my eyes. “Or are you being **_completely_** _**original**_ and referring to my family?”  
Snape wipes his thick, greasy hair away from his eyes, “You deserve everything you get, Mudlood.”  
I notice the ever so slight waver in his tone, the half a second tremble in his wand hand and stretch a smile across my face.  
Laughing, I cock my head to the side and put on a pout, “But I though Mudbloods were _just_ your type.”  
Snape blanches and swallows hard. It’s just too easy. And way too fun. I wish Sirius and James were here to see this. I am feeling particularly vindictive after that detention.  
“S-Shut up, Carter,” Snape mutters and stretches his wand towards me.  
Sighing, I close the distance so that his wand is an inch from my robes. Even being a few inches shorter than him, I wasn’t afraid. “Going to hex me? Go on then! I’d love to see you try. But you know I’ll be telling my best friend exactly who the culprit was, and then all your hopes and dreams will be ruined, won’t they?” My voice takes a darker tone as I finish. What a waste of space this Slytherin is. I don’t even feel sorry for him.  
I let out another laugh and whip around dramatically, making my way towards the stairs again, leaving Snape to his completely pathetic unrequited love.  
“See ya, Snivellus. I’ll make sure to give Lils all your love!”

To my complete surprise, a warm shot of air whizzes past my ear before I can even start climbing. A flash of red hits the dark wall of the dungeon to my right. I never thought he’d have the guts.  
  
I have my wand outstretched in a heartbeat, facing Snape.  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I spit maliciously, so not in the mood for teasing him anymore. “Did you just try and attack me?”  
Snape has lost the tremble in his fingers as he glares at me, full of hatred. We match each other’s stances, waiting.  
“Lost your nerve?” I coo, after a minute of silence, “Only fight when your opponents back is turned?”

He flicks his wand suddenly, sending another whoosh of red light. I block it and immediately growl out, “Petrificous Totalus!” He ducks down as the spell erupts in the space an inch above his head.

“You need to learn, Snivellus. If this is about Lily then get over it! She’ll never love you! How many times do we have to go through this?” I snap at him, bending my knees on the spot, waiting for another hex to come my way.   
“I could say the same to you,” He mutters, as if he hadn’t decided whether he was brave enough to actually say it. A chill runs down my spine that I don’t think has anything to do with the cold.

His words take me by surprise. My hand falls a few inches as my mouth drops open. It takes me a moment to recover.  
“I’m not in love with Lily, if that’s what you mean,” is all I can reply with.  
Snape smirks as he sees me struggling with his words. Why does this cocky brat think he knows everything? If he’s talking about…   
No. He can’t mean **_him_**. No one knows that I like him. I haven’t even told Lily yet. Sirius and I are really close but… that doesn’t mean anything to someone with such little respect for personal space.  
“Not Lily, but maybe someone with a bit more _‘ **ancient and noble** ’_ blood.”

I reply with a stunning spell, but Snape puts a shield up a moment before it hits him.  
“Touched a nerve?” He sneers.  
“I’ll fucking wipe that smirk off your face, Snivellus. Mark my words.”  
I send another hex his way, but the brat is too god damn quick with his shields.  
“Better be getting back. Your pet will be wondering what’s happened to you,” Snape says, moving his arm up to block another spell.  
“He’s not my pet. Shut up.” I feel my face reddening. No. I cannot let Snivellus of all people get to me. He’s just trying to push my buttons. “Maybe I should string you up outside in the moonlight and leave you as a present for the bats to feed on. I honestly can’t be bothered looking at your slimy face anymore.”

Curiously, instead of firing another insult at me, Snape lowers his wand and thinks for a moment, his face slack. More surprised than anything, I lower my wand and glance about as if someone else had come along and put a curse on him. A tiny laugh comes my way and in a matter of seconds, Snape is clutching his side like he’d had too much Hiccoughing Solution.  
“No, no, it’s too good, it’s tonight. Oh, I couldn’t possibly-” he laughs to himself.  
I wrinkle my nose and raise my eyebrows in disgust.  
“Okay, well I’m so done with this,” I say, making a move to finally leave. My bed is up another seven flights of stairs and I have had enough annoyance for one day.

“No,” is all I hear before my body is hit with one of Snape’s spells. I try to wriggle, finding myself incapable of movement. My mouth struggles to shout out, but to no avail. I’m frozen on the spot.  
Snape’s laughter has stopped and as he strides towards me, that dark expression slapped back on his face.   
“You’re not going back upstairs, Carter. I’m going to show you exactly what happens to people in the ‘moonlight’. And then you’re never going to speak to me about Lily _ever_ again, or tease me, or- or poison my potions!” His angry face is getting redder by the second.   
I try to move my fingers, a toe, anything, but no. That bastard has got me good. Merlin, do I have revenge to plan when I get out of this mess.   
“You’re going to suffer the way I suffered by the hand of your so-called-friends. Those _Marauders_ that you hold so dear aren’t going to save you this time.”  
Before I can wonder what the hell he is going on about, Snape raises his wand to point between my eyes.  
As I fall into darkness, I hear his final words, brimming with hatred, “In fact, this is the one night a month that they’re going to do the exact opposite.”


	2. More Than Fear

Hardly fluttering my eyes open, I rolled over and felt something warm collide with my hand. Half drowsy, for a moment I thought Sirius and I had fallen asleep on the sofas in the common room again.   
“Sir?” I drawl into the darkness, my eyes not yet adjusted.  
But if this was the common room, where was the fire? And where was the gleam of red? And why was there a- ouch- wooden floorboard sticking into my back?

Fuck.

Snape. That bastard.

I rocketed up to my feet in a second, wand out and heart pounding. I could begin to see cracks of light filtering into the room. Where was I? The windows seemed to be boarded up. Splintering wood was covering everything I could see – the floor, the walls, the- the door! Brilliant.  
But before I could congratulate myself on the victory, my eyes fell to the large black huddled shape next to me. The warmth that my hand had felt… I had half an instinct to prod it with my wand. However, the heavy breaths coming from it told me that this was not a thing that I wanted to wake.

“Lumos,” I muttered under my breath and a glow of light spread out from my wand.

No.

No.

No.

What the hell was Snape thinking?! For once, I was completely at a loss for words. All bravery was swept from my body in an instant. This cannot be real. I tried to swallow, but my throat felt like it had a golf ball wedged in it.   
If this is what I think it is… Then I’m in real shit here.

Okay, okay. You’re a Gryffindor, Erin, think, you can do this, I thought, trying to concentrate on not forgetting to breathe. You just need to get to the door and out of this place without waking up the giant werewolf lying right between you and the exit. Great, easy, should be no problem.

After a minute of building myself up, I finally got the guts to lift up one foot and place it down a few inches to my right. I cringed as the creaking of the floorboard echoed. My whole body was tense as I kept my eyes on the werewolf. There was enough light now to make out some of its yellowing fangs hanging out its giant mouth. Yuck. It shuddered in its sleep and moved one of its sharp claws slightly.

I took a few more careful steps, ending up halfway to the door, right in front of the boarded window. And just as I was thinking this was going to be easy, the werewolf did the exact opposite of what I was hoping: it woke up.

At first it just snuffled and shook it’s snout as if a fly was buzzing around its head. Then slowly, oh painfully slowly, it stretched its spine, each bone cracking as he did. It flicked open its eyes curiously, revealing glowing golden orbs, and started to sniff the air. Oh please, tell me that I still stunk of flobberworms enough for it to not realise that there was a tasty human standing just out of eye line.

Almost immediately after I thought this, its gaze shot to the left to where I was standing. I felt like my stomach dropped to the centre of the earth. Snape was going to have me murdered. This was so far past fear; I didn’t think I could ever remember what ‘safe’ felt like.

The werewolf let out an ear piercing howl, throwing back its head, freezing me to the spot. But as it made to swipe at me, instinct took over and I dived out of the way, right into a chest of drawers. The werewolf’s claws lunged right where my throat had been a second earlier and ended up taking out a few of the panels nailed to the window. I stumbled to my feet, trying to ignore the sharp pain in my shoulder where I had collided with the corner of the drawers and sprinted to the door, having to leap over its tail on the way.

The werewolf span hastily and hurdled at the door before I could even tug open the handle. I screamed as if my throat was being ripped from me and dropped flat to the floor. It leapt over me and straight through the thin wooden door. Covering my head with my hands, I felt the splintered pieces rain over me. Get up, Erin. Get up. Get up. Get up.

Clutching my wand as if it were my lifeline, I stumbled to my feet. My legs gave way on the first attempt and remnants of door were collecting at my feet. With my breath held, I scanned the corridor outside the room and saw that the werewolf was recovering in a ball just to the left, at the top of the stairs, whining slightly. A bannister stretched out in front of me, revealing a square lower level. I didn’t want to make another move and get the werewolf’s attention again. But then again, I had no choice. Panic was squeezing my chest. This is actually life or death.

The stairs were out – I was foolish to even consider that that I could sneak past that monster. It wouldn’t remain curled up forever. There was only one thing for it. I was going to have to jump off the bannister to the bottom floor.

The creature sniffed the air again as I stood in the doorway contemplating how many broken bones I would be thankful to get if my plan worked. Another pining howl brought me to my senses. And then it was running for me again – each lunge carrying it more distance than I could imagine.

I did the only sane thing I could think of. Holding my breath and willing my legs not to shake, I closed the distance between the door and the bannister in a second and used one hand to vault myself over. I fell through the air, screaming my lungs out. Wind rushed around my hair and robes. And then. Crack. I let out another piercing scream as I landed in a heap, my head whipping backwards. A shooting pain ran up my leg and arms. My palms were bleeding and… oh no, please. My ankle was twisted in a strange way and was throbbing so painfully that it sprung tears to my eyes.

There is no way I can run now. That’s it. I’m done for. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath.

I knew from the heavy sounds of paws on the floorboards coming down the stairs that it was taking its sweet time to get to its pray. Playing with me. Teasing me.

A heavy creak signalled that the werewolf had reached the ground floor. It only had to stride over to where I was and-

I let out a sob and forced myself to look into those golden eyes.

But just as I turned my head, the strangest thing happened. I was sure I had gone mad. Snape had addled my brains as well as try and let a werewolf kill me. Because a stag and a huge black dog could not have leapt out of a wide trapdoor and rushed towards the wolf. They could not be pushing it back up the stairs. The stag could not be using its wide antlers as a guard between me and the monster. The dog could not be growling heavily, its fur on end at the now retreating wolf.

As I stared, completely wide eyed in shock at the scene, I felt a tiny nip on my thumb. Startled out of my skin, I flinch heavily and stare down to my hand, where a chubby rat was flitting back and forth as if trying to catch my attention.  
“D-did you just-?” I stutter, before it bits my hand again and starts to move towards the trapdoor from where the animals came.   
Okay, so a rat wants me to follow it. I am definitely insane. That’s it.  
“M-my ankle,” I feebly whisper, as I shuffle into a crawling position.   
The rat didn’t care about anything except showing me to the trapdoor.

Scraping my splintered knees across the floor, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying out in pain. I was taking longer than the rat was comfortable with apparently, because it disappeared quickly up the stairs to where the rest of the animals were. Bitter at its abandonment, I forced myself to keep going, shuffling as fast as my aching limbs would carry me.

The howl of the wolf drove a shot of fear through my veins. Quicker, Erin. Get out of here! Not far now! Just when I thought my ankle couldn’t hurt more, the black dog pounded down the stairs and over to me. Its silvery eyes looked for a moment as if they were full of pain. I thought I had imagined it, but when it tucked its head under my arm and started to help me over to the trapdoor, I wasn’t so sure.

I couldn’t help but whimper pathetically when I had to change position to sit up, my legs dangling into the dark tunnel underneath. The dog nudged my side with its head, urging me on. When I saw the wolf, having escaped the stag’s defences, pounding down the stairs again, its teeth open wide, I didn’t have to think twice before throwing myself down into the darkness.


	3. The Morning After

As I crawled, openly sobbing with fear and pain, I felt like I was watching my own body from above. It was too much to handle. Only when I reached the free, fresh open air that common sense hit me and I remembered I was a witch. Stuttering out, “Episky,” and pointing my wand at my ankle, I moaned as some of the throbbing pain relieved. I put my hand on a small circular piece of tree root and hoisted myself out of the tunnel. I heard the tree stiffen against the breeze.

Cold wind fluttered around my face and I cried out with joy. Hogwarts. I was on Hogwarts grounds. The castle loomed before me in the twilight, the windows of light offering me more happiness than I could imagine. Leaving the roots behind, I inched forward, the dew covered grass feeling soft under my scratched palms. I wasn’t sure how far I crawled before I collapsed, my face breathing in the scent of the wet grass.

“Help,” I whispered, knowing that no one would likely find me until daybreak. “Someone… Lily… Sirius… Help…”  
I adjusted my grip on my wand, knowing I only had one way of sending someone a message and tried to think of something happy. “Expecto Patronum….” Nothing happened. I tried again, focusing on Sirius’s face and squeezed my hand tight around my wand. A small sliver of light escaped it. Not enough. Black dots spotted my vision. The last thing I thought was of the howling of wolf in the far distance.

…

I was dreaming of a warm hand in mine and the smell of freshly washed sheets. From the chair where he sat, Sirius had his head on my bed asleep, clutching my hand tightly. His dark curls were tickling my forearm and I could faintly smell wet grass. Somewhere over to my left, I could hear Madam Pomfrey tutting and fussing over three other boys.   
“Honestly, I don’t know how you boys get in these messes,” came her impatient voice.  
“I ask myself the same thing every day, ma’am.” That sounds like James.  
“Well drink this and be on your way. You too Pettigrew. Let Remus rest now.”

I felt too dazed and weak to speak, let alone make a move. With closed eyes, I heard footsteps over to where I lay and a slight movement as James shook Sirius’s shoulder.  
“Come on, mate. Leave them to rest.”  
The warmth left my hand and it took all of my courage not to reach out my fingers and cry out.  
“How the hell did this happen, Prongs?” I heard Sirius mumble out sleepily, brimming with disbelief and hurt. A light touch of a finger ran in a line underneath my eye.  
James sighed and pulled his friend away, “I don’t know. But they’re both safe now. We can worry once we’ve all had some sleep, okay?”

As three pairs of footsteps echoed in my mind, my dream changed and the footsteps turned into heavy paws landing on a wooden floor. Darkness fell all around me and I was tumbling through the air so fast that I could not see through my hair and every twist felt like razors slicing into my skin. I tried to scream, but the only noise in my head was the pounding of the wolf, chasing me down and down and down. I saw a splintery end to my tunnel far down below me and tried to flap my arms to slow down. Panic had taken over my body and kept a tight hold on my throat. I daren’t look over my shoulder for the belief that the wolf was right behind me, just waiting.

A split second before I collided with the ground, my eyes flew open and my mouth opened wide with a high pitched scream. I curled my hands into fists and kicked my legs against the white sheets trapping me in a bed. Just as I leaned back to take in a deep breath, my ankle started throbbing from all my thrashing about. Choking on another scream, mixed with a sob, I saw Madam Pomfrey running towards me, her arms outstretched. Oh god. Just a dream. It was just a dream. I’m safe in the Hospital Wing. Oh lord.  
“Miss Carter, my dear, you’re okay,” She reassured me, placing both hands on my shoulders and forcing me to sit back.  
I shakily tried to fix my breathing and uncurled my hands, feeling slightly sick at the beads of blood that I had caused to appear in my palms.   
I let Madam Pomfrey fuss over my ankle, applying another dressing of god knows what and simply stared at the blood in my hands. All the reality of the past night came flooding into my mind. I almost died. I could have died. There’s a werewolf somewhere near Hogwarts. I could have died.  
“Here, you’ll want to drink this,” the matron told me after she was done fixing my wounds, even applying a cream that caused the fresh cuts on my hands to scab over immediately.  
“What is it?” I asked, my voice embarrassingly crackly.   
“Calming draft,” came the reply before a small vial of liquid was placed in my hands.  
I took it down in one and shivered.

“How long do I have to stay here?” I asked, as the matron poured out some water into a cup on the bedside table.  
“Your ankle should be back to normal by the end of the day, but,” she paused and peered at me, “It’s the post-trauma I’m more worried about.”  
I gulped and tried my best not to look bothered, “…You mean the waking up screaming?”  
Madam Pomfrey looked at me pitifully for a moment. Then she smiled warmly and patted my shoulder kindly.   
“Don’t worry, you can leave tomorrow, but I’ll give you a bottle of Calming Draft and a sleeping potion to take with you, just in case.”  
I nodded, a lump forming in my throat, before tilting my head back and filling my lungs with air.

The matron moved over to treat someone over to my left. They were shielded with curtains, so I couldn’t see who it was, and when she spoke to them, they conversed in soft voices. I remembered what I was dreaming of before things took a dark turn. The boys were here. My left hand twitched. Sirius was here, holding my hand. That part must have been a dream, surely.

…

Around mid-afternoon, I had my head tucked in a book that Lily had brought me earlier. She had come bearing chocolate from her morning trip to Honeydukes and a much needed hug. After I hadn’t returned to the dorms last night, she had grown worried and asked around for any news. When morning came and there was still no sign, the Hospital Wing had been her first stop. Madam Pomfrey had told her that I was asleep and to return later. Which she did! With chocolate. And my favourite book. God, I could not love that girl more.

The doors to the Wing flew open and I raised my eyes, half expecting Lily to have returned with the other girls from our dorm. However, I let out a half groan, half smile as I saw two boys saunter in as if they owned the place.  
I became very aware that my hair must look like I had been dragged through a bush. One hand flew to my fringe, while I tried hard to have not noticed their entrance.

“Erin!” James Potter grinned at me, lopsidedly as they made their way over.  
“Fancy seeing you here,” I retort, sighing and folding the book into my lap.  
“How you doing?” The other boy asked, pulling up a chair to the side of my bed and plonking himself in it. Finding it hard to look at Sirius without blushing, the dream of his hand in mine so vivid, I kept my eyes on James as he perched on the end of my bed, making sure first that he wasn’t about to sit on my feet.  
“All the better for your company, as usual,” I said coolly.  
“We brought you gifts from Hogsmede,” Sirius said, chucking a huge bar of chocolate in my direction. I caught it swiftly and beamed at him.  
“You sure know how to treat a girl! Mmm, thank you!” He winked at me as I tore open the corner and broke off a piece. Caramel oozed onto my fingers as I popped the chunk into my mouth. “Ugh, so good. You guys want some?”  
Both boys shook their heads.   
“No, thanks. We’re sick of the stuff after hanging around Moony so long,” James smiled, kicking his legs out.  
I smiled back, “Where is he anyway? I’m offended that he’s not gathered around my sick bed.”  
They share a glance, but before I can even narrow my eyes, Sirius breaks out in a huge smile.  
“The idiot went and got himself injured in a prank we were planning. Let’s just say it involved Moony getting a face full of a stinging hex,” he explained, motioning to the curtained section to my left.  
I guffawed and popped another chunk of chocolate in my mouth.

“We’d best see how he is. Peter wanted a detailed analysis for when he gets out of his detention later,” James snorts before gracefully leaping off the end of the bed. “Coming, Pads?”  
Sirius chewed at his lip for a moment, as if he wanted to say something more, but after a glance at James, he broke into a wide grin and stood.   
“Yeah. Glad you’re alright anyway,” Sirius said sincerely, half raising his hand before hesitating and dropping it to his side again.  
I let myself look at him for longer than I would normally, a small smile on my lips.  
James was almost over to Lupin’s curtained area when he turned and called back to me, “Oh, make sure you casually mention to Lily how incredibly kind and caring I was when I heard you were injured.”  
He winked and I replied in a dramatic voice, placing a hand to my cheek, “Something like: Oh Lily, he was showering me with flowers! There were a hundred cherubs singing around my bed, and chocolates were raining from the ceilings! How that James Potter cried for hours at my side!”

James and Sirius roared with laughter and I could see James shaking his head as he disappeared out of view. Sirius gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before following after his friend, a smile stretched across his face. I bit my lip and tucked my knees up to my chest, my book now left forgotten.

Although incredibly pleased that they came to see me, I couldn’t help feel like there was something else going on underneath. I mean, I thought, shooting a glance to the curtains where Lupin lay, you wouldn’t be cautioned off just for a stinging hex, surely? But... Sirius wouldn’t lie to me. Not about something so meaningless. It made me doubt whether my dream about them being in here earlier was actually real.

And then it hit me. A question I hadn’t yet asked. My heart pounded in my ribs.  
“M-Madam Pomfrey?” I called out for the matron.  
She was over to my side in a moment, “Yes, dear?”  
I could hardly speak, “W-who- I mean, how- how did I get here? Who f-found me? I was in the grounds and…”  
I felt another bottle of Calming Draft be placed in my hands as the matron looked me right in the eyes.  
“I did. I found you, dear. I was walking that way and happened upon you.”  
The anti-climax brought my jittery nerves back down.  
“Oh. Oh… I thought maybe…” My eyes betrayed me as they strayed over to the direction James and Sirius went. “Never mind.” I swallowed the contents of the bottle and nodded my thanks.  
“Best get some sleep,” She advised, stroking my hair.  
I did as I was told, making sure to drink the dreamless sleep potion so that no werewolves could haunt my dreams.


	4. You Alright?

I was let out on Sunday afternoon, having spent most of my remaining time asleep. After Madam Pomfrey assured me that if I was still having any trouble, I could come back and see her at any time, I made my way up to the tallest tower where the Gryffindor common room was hidden behind the familiar portrait of the fat lady.  
“Animus,” I said in a bored voice to the lady, allowing her to swing the portrait open so I could hop in.

A cheer so loud hit me when I stepped into the common room that I fumbled backwards, half expecting something to attack me. My expression softened as a long red haired girl flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck.  
“Hey, Lils,” I mumbled into her flowery scented hair.  
“I’m so glad you’re out!” Lily leaned back and put on a very stern expression, running her green eyes across my face, “Now. Are you sure you’re all better? Anything I can do?”  
A shout from the sofas by the fire made us turn. James Potter was drawled over the back of one sofa, grinning at us, “I’m not feeling too good, Evans. I could do with one of those hugs.”  
She rolled her eyes, repressing a smile and spoke back in a cool voice, “The only thing wrong with you, Potter is your inflated ego.” Lily took my hand, “Come on.”

She led me towards a group of chairs by the window, away from the boys. As we walked past the fire, I turned my head and stuck my tongue out at Sirius who, in his moment of distraction, managed to get poked in the shoulder by Peter’s wand. I grinned at his discomfort before taking my seat opposite another girl from mine and Lily’s dorm – Cecelia Noor.

“Hey, Cece,” I smiled, digging the nearly finished chocolate bar from the boys out my pocket.  
“How you doing Erin?” The brunette girl asked, lifting her head from the essay she was writing.  
“Fine,” I answered.  The less I answer, hopefully the less people will ask. I really don’t want to be telling my friends that I almost died by a vicious monster. They’ll panic, and ugh, I could do without the smothering.

However, my hopes did not come true.  
Cece put down her quill and pushed her thin glasses to the top of her nose.  
“What happened hun?” Her tone was kind and she meant no harm – it still took me by surprise.  
I remained silent, chocolate melting in my fingers. She widened her eyes and glanced at Lily next to me.  
It was Lily who spoke first, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. We’ll understand.”  
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t-” Cece stumbled out, a dark hand reaching to pat my knee.  
I held my chocolate free hand up, “Guys- It’s fine. I…” Words failed me. I knew speaking about it would help the paranoia that was lingering over my shoulder, but I had no idea how to go about it.  
“I just got into a bit of a situation that took a turn for the worst, that’s all…” I feebly mumbled out, feeling guilt weighing me down.

Cece leaned back and picked up her quill again, started to chew the end.  
“Weird. We thought it had something to do with the boys. They were out all night, same as you. Remus didn’t look well again. We figured you might have got mixed up in one of their stupid night time ‘adventures’. You know how Sirius is always begging us to get involved in their pranks.”  
As she spoke, my gaze drifted over to the self-titled Marauders, minus their one injured member. James and Sirius were trying to distract Peter from practising his Charms homework. My throat grew a lump as I watched how Sirius’s eyes crinkled when he grinned. How he threw his head back to let out a bark of laughter as James levitated Peter’s wand. How a tanned hand threw his dark curls out of his eyes and-  
“Erin?”  
Lily’s voice brought me back to the conversation.  
“N-No, it had nothing to do with them. I didn’t see them.”  
“Strange…” Cece mused, chewing again on her quill before shrugging and deciding that she had best get on with her essay.

I spent the rest of the day with Lily and Cece finishing homework for the week ahead and stealing glances at Sirius. More than once, James tried to get Lily’s attention, but as usual, she pretended he didn’t exist. When this happened, Sirius stood behind his friend making smooching noises into his ear and looking pleased with himself when I erupted into a fit of giggles.

At dinner time, we packed away our homework in our dorm and made our way back to the common room. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Remus Lupin had returned from the Hospital Wing and was laughing as James ruffled his hair.  
“Hey, Remus!” I called as we passed them, “Glad you’re better!”  
At the sight of me, Remus paled and immediately looked at the floor, clutching the bottom hem of his jumper. I stopped in my tracks and Lily stumbled into the back of me.  
“Hey…” I spoke in a much quieter voice, not sure what I’d done to get this reaction.

Sirius appeared at my side and threw his arm across my shoulders, causing all my attention to be drawn to him. He prodded my cheek with a finger and all I could notice was how close his face was to mine. But this was normal Sirius: Always majorly affectionate with no concept of personal space. I’m not special to get this treatment, remember Erin.  
“Don’t mind ol’ moody Moony there, he’s just sulking because he missed out on a whole day of doing homework,” Sirius barked and I had to force a smile.  
“I think we need to get some food in him,” Peter spoke up, putting his hands on Remus’s back and gently guiding him towards the door.

All four Marauders, Lily, Cece and I started down the stairs towards the Great Hall. Sirius didn’t take his arm from across my shoulders – I wanted so badly to wrap my own arm around his waist and pull him closer. Instead I clasped my hands in front of me and glanced at his face only when I knew he couldn’t see me blush.  
“Why did Remus look like he was going to throw up when he saw me?” I asked Sirius nervously when the other boys were a few paces ahead.  
A frown appeared on his face and I regretted asking. A few moments vaguely alone and I already screw up.  
“Moony, he’s… he’s not very well at the moment. He’ll just have been having a woozy moment. Nothing personal, I’m sure,” came his reply. Right, of course.  
“Can I ask you something else as well?”  
“Anything for you, my dear,” Sirius grinned and moved his arm off me. I missed the warmth, but had to laugh when he stooped into a deep bow.  
“Stop that! You’re being an embarrassment,” I laughed, hitting his shoulder lightly, “I’m trying to be serio- No. Don’t you dare make that joke.” I pointed a finger at him when I saw his mouth open.  
“Ahhh, Erin. Gone are the days where I was able to fool you,” Sirius nudged me with his elbow. “Come on, be ‘serious’ then.”

I kept my eyes on the back of Lily’s swaying hair in front of me as I spoke.  
“Well…”  
He waited patiently for me to mull over my words. I hadn’t breathed a word to anyone about this- I wasn’t sure how stable the territory was.  
“Before… Okay. This is going to sound really bizarre. But, before I got injured, I ran into Snape. And he said something about you guys.”  
“The day you start listening to Snivellus Snape, is the day I know something is wrong with the world,” Sirius says, a slight snarl in his voice. I’m unsure whether to go on or not, but when Sirius smiles at me, I decide I can trust him.  
“Well I was threatening him…”  
“There’s my girl- sorry, go on.”  
“And he said along the lines of ‘I’m going to make you suffer the same way your Marauders made me suffer.’ He said that instead of saving me, you’d be doing the exact opposite…”  
Sirius started to pick at his lip, his brows furrowed before muttering, “Right… Then what happened?”  
“Well… I don’t really want to tell anyone…” I screwed my eyes shut, willing the memories of the wolf out of my mind. “Let’s just say, then I had an extremely close call with something pretty dangerous.”  
Sirius stared at the floor ahead of him, still picking at his lip. I felt nervous as I glanced at him. Worry is not an emotion that Sirius usually shows.  
“I just… I don’t know what it has to do with you guys. Unless you put Snape in the same exact position he put me in… But…” I trailed off, not daring to go into more detail.

A cold chill took hold in my chest. Would the Marauders do that? Would they put Snape in that house? I knew them so well; surely they weren’t capable of murder. Even Snape, who we all hated so much… They wouldn’t try to kill him, right? I mean, a prank gone wrong could have… No. If I don’t trust the people in my house, I can’t trust anyone. Snape must have been trying to get in my mind.

As we turned the corner to make our way down the main stairs in the Entrance Hall, Sirius’s hand touched the back of mine gently before he wormed his fingers in between mine. Unable to speak, I tilted my head to the side to find his silver eyes surveying me.  
“Erin, I’m so sorry… For whatever happened to you, I really am. You have to know that we would never put you in danger intentionally, you know that, right?”  
I nodded, stuttering out a, “Y-yeah.” All I could concentrate on was the pressure of his warm hand in mine and his thumb moving slowly across my skin. It was surprising that I was still able to put one foot in front of the other.  
“If Snape is using you as revenge for some meaningless prank we played, then that’s on him, right? Not you. Not us.” Sirius spoke firmly, but I got the impression that he was speaking for his benefit as well as mine.  
“He was probably just trying to make me doubt my friends and get in my head or something…” I managed to whisper out.  
“Hey,” Sirius stopped on the bottom step and squeezed my hand.  
I faced him and almost rolled my eyes as the familiar heat stretched across my cheeks.  
“You gonna be alright?”

I opened my mouth to reply that, yes of course, I’d get over it because I was a rough, tough Gryffindor, but my retort never came. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a movement of black and green exiting the route to the dungeons. And I swore to myself, that no matter what.

I was going to make that slimeball pay.


	5. I Never Noticed

“No! No!” I screamed. I was trapped in the centre of the wooden room with the werewolf prowling slowly around the outside. I whipped my head around. There was no door. Where was the door? Where was it? Panic injected itself into my body and took hold of my limbs. The monster was getting closer and closer with each lift of its clawed paws. I could hear the quick outbursts of its breath and smell a lingering scent of sweat.   
“Get away!” I screeched painfully, suddenly moving my hands to pat my robes. But all I had on was my pyjamas. Where was my wand?!   
My feet jerked downwards and I fell onto my backside as they sunk further into the floor like quicksand. Fuck. Fuck.   
“Help! Please! Help!” I cried out as my hands started to sink into the surface as well, trapping me. I was ready made bait. It could only be seconds until-

Raising my head, I meet those golden eyes and shrieked as a claw lifts above my head-

I scream and scream into the darkness, unable to work out where I was or how I’d got there. A thin layer of sweat covered my entire body. Wand. Wand. I need my wand. Help. It was going to kill me.

A bright light appeared out of nowhere as the curtains of my bed are ripped back. My hands fly to shield my eyes. Through squinted eyes, I can see Lily standing there with her wand lit, wide eyed and a face full of fright.  
“Erin! My god!” She crawled onto my bed and took my hand.  
I could only pant and swallow sorely, feeling the thumping of my heart in my chest. It’s not here. I’m fine. Just a dream.  
Figures behind Lily come into the light and I see the other girls from my dorm standing in their pyjamas, biting their lips and whispering.  
“Are you okay?” Lily asks in a gentle voice, stroking my hand.   
She stays silent as I catch my breath enough to answer.  
“J-just… Just a dream. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I wheeze, wiping my damp hair off my forehead.  
“Don’t be sorry, it’s alright. You just gave us a bit of a fright. Need me to get McGonagall?”  
“N-no,” I said as my teeth start to chatter. From being sticky and warm, I was abruptly feeling like a chill had wormed its way into my veins.

“I t-think I just need some water,” I whisper and Lily shuffles to reach for the glass and jug on my bedside table.  
She passes me the glass and as I take a sip, I see Cece’s head pop over the top of Lils.  
“You alright Erin?”  
“Yeah, thanks. Sorry to worry you all. Just- Just a dream. You can go back to sleep.”  
She gave a small smile and nodded, “You know where to find us if you need anything.”  
“Thanks,” a whisper escaped me and I took another sip of water.

Lily stroked my hair back off my face more and sighed, her lips pulled in a tight line.  
“I wish I knew how to help you,” the girl murmured.  
I drained the glass, loving the feeling of the refreshing water running down my throat.  
“My fault. Forgot to take the dreamless sleep potion Pomfrey gave me.”  
“But that won’t last forever. You can’t take it every night.”  
“…I know.”  
“It’s been 5 nights now since you came out the Hospital Wing. You’ve grown reliant on the potion, Erin. I’m sorry, but look what happens when you don’t take it.”  
I passed my empty glass back to my friend and looked sheepishly at her face. She was speaking the truth. As usual.  
“If you would just open up and-”  
“Lils,” I interrupt. She had been bugging me all yesterday about telling her what happened the night I ended up in the Hospital Wing claiming it would help me. She had even brought me a book from the library about dealing with nightmares and trauma, but I had shunned her away claiming that it didn’t bother me that much. I hadn’t ended up going to McGonagall after Sirius’s and I conversation because he distracted me enough to make me forget. So my terrors were all still bottled inside me, just waiting to burst out.

Yet again, I’m choosing to ignore this building fear bubbling in my stomach. However instead of Snape, this time I’m now hurting my closest friend.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I do,” I said sincerely, squeezing her hand, “And I could not be more thankful for you looking after me, honestly. But I’m finding it- it- it’s just so difficult for me to recount it all. I’m so sorry.”  
Instead of grumbling and getting irritated with me, Lily showed once again just how brilliant she is.  
“Well, when you do eventually get there, I’ll be here. Always. And if not me, then at least… someone else. Okay?”  
Flinching slightly at her casual reference to who I assumed meant Sirius, I then nodded.   
“Okay. I promise. When I’m ready.”  
She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me tightly. As she leant back, she shrugged her shoulders brightly and sang, “Right! You’d best get back to sleep and rest up, it must be about 2 in the morning. Want me to stay with you?”  
I shook my head, “I’ll be fine. Thanks though, Lils. I mean it.”  
With a sunny smile, Lily rolls off my covers, her long hair trailing her like a cape. She pulls my curtains shut and I listen in the darkness as she climbs back into her own bed.

I waited patiently in silence for a good ten minutes until I could hear steady breaths coming from all sides of the room before slipping out of my curtains. Pulling on a hoodie and a pair of socks, I tiptoed to the exit. As I slipped out the room, I thanked the well-oiled hinges of the door for not creaking.

Once in the common room, I strode with less care and made my way over to one of the large windows looking out over the hills. I unlocked the latch and pushed the glass outwards, breathing in as the cold night air hit my face. Running my hands through my hair, I perched on the window seat and stared out at the partially full moon. The calming flutter of wind every so often did wonders for my nerves. As my eyes readjusted, I caught the sight an owl swooping out of the Owlery. It flew out over the forest, wings outstretched, silhouetted in the light of the moon.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” An unusually quiet voice says from behind me.  
I let out a squeak of surprise and have to clutch the windowsill to stop myself falling out. About to turn and shout at the offender, I turn my head, my open mouth failing as I look upon the familiar face of Sirius Black. He seemed more ruffled than usual, with dark bags under his eyes. His trademark smirk replaced by a thin lipped smile. His hair was sticking up in places, like he’d been tossing and turning in his sleep.  
Saying nothing, I shift over so that my back is facing the open air and pat the space of window seat next to me. Sirius traipses over and falls down onto the ledge beside me like a puppet without strings. I watch on as he leans his elbows onto his knees and runs his face through his hands. I felt like I was watching a stranger. This utterly private behaviour was so surreal to me, it made me momentarily stumped.  
“Shit night too?” I finally whisper out, clutching my hands in my lap tightly.  
Without raising his head, Sirius replies, “You could say that yeah.”  
“Want to talk about it?” I offer gently, kicking myself at how much I sounded like Lily did with me earlier.

Sirius sighs and rubs his eyes, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”  
If this were Sirius and I talking normally, I’d elbow him and tell him to stop being such a drama queen. But this was not normal. Sirius was completely drained and tired and… a mirror of myself, if I had to be honest.  
What I chose to do was lean my head on his shoulder, twisting in to face him more. We sat there for a while in silence; I even closed my eyes, feeling a lot calmer than I had done in my bed. The minutes ticked on, broken only by the occasional hoot of an owl or whisper of wind.

Eventually, it was Sirius who spoke first, his voice cracking under strain.  
“It’s my brother.”  
Dazed, I lift my head and blink at his face. “Your brother?” I ask softly, not wanting to break the charm of the past moments.  
“Regulus. You know him, he’s in Slytherin,” Sirius continued, still with his head in his hands.  
“Yeah…”  
“He sent me a letter tonight. It’s the only way he’ll speak to me after I left home. It’s like I’m invisible in person, no matter how hard I try. I thought-” Sirius broke off shaking his head. I placed my hand on his closest knee.  
“He’s your brother, you’re family,” I tried to comfort him with wide, sad eyes.  
“That’s just it- This letter- He’s told me that he’s finally doing what my fucking parents have been trying to force him to do for months. He’s cutting me out of his life. Said he wants no contact. And to not bother seeing him over the summer either.”  
I struggle but can’t help letting out a soft gasp of dismay. It wasn’t news that before we started this year, Sirius had decided to run away from his family and camp out at the Potters. But Regulus was the only one Sirius could count on to have his back when he was at home. He was the only family he had left.  
“I’m so sorry,” is all I can muster.  
“I just didn’t think he’d cave so easily. You’d think that I’d mean more to him, right? No. Not after those bastards wormed their way into his mind. And now my brother is going to walk past me in the corridors like we’re strangers who’ve never met.”

Sirius leant up, revealing a completely shattered expression, then moved his hands to curl into tight fists on his knees. As he did, he felt my hand under his and loosened his grip to worm his fingers so they were interlocked. He kept his eyes on our hands and fell silent.

“There’s always hope, Sirius,” I told him, my heart pounding against my ribs. “Regulus is your brother – he knows how much you care about him. This letter could just be a way to appease your parents. If they are pressuring him to cut you out, then it might not be his choice. Don’t give up. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually…”  
Sirius turned his head to look into my eyes. He was viewing me curiously, as if he’d never seen me before. I was so very aware that our faces were not a great distance apart.  
I stuttered in an attempt to ignore this, “A-and if not, then it’s his loss, right? You have more family than you think. You’ve got James, and his parents. And Remus, and Peter. I’d doubt they’d ever let you be on your own for too long! And then there’s me-”

I was cut off suddenly because Sirius leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips to mine.

For a moment, I didn’t quite believe it and stayed frozen in shock. But as I felt Sirius about to lean away, I kissed him back, so, _so_ terrified. I lifted my free hand to the back of his head, curls poking through the gaps in my fingers. In all of my daydreams since I figured out that I had a crush on Sirius Black, I never thought it would end up feeling this good, or this daunting. He moved his mouth against mine, now confident that I would return the feeling. His nose kept nudging mine and I grasped his hair, pulling him closer. My heart was surely going to leap out of my rib cage at any moment. His lips were so soft, and when his tongue met my bottom lip, I opened my mouth wider, willingly.

When we broke away, breathing hard, I let my hand fall from his hair to his neck. His thumb was stroking the back of our interlocked hands. I didn’t know where to look or what to do. My face was burning and, _damn_ \- Sirius Black just kissed me. For real.

He leant in again and gave me  a soft peck on the lips, as if it check it wasn’t a fluke before sending me one of those wide grins that drives me crazy.  
“Well, hey…” He breathed out hard, as if a thought had just come to him. He was looking a lot brighter than he had all night, with an added gleam in his eyes. “I never realised that.”  
“Never realised what?” I tumbled out, still in a daze, my jaw feeling a lot heavier than it normally did.  
“You’ve always been here.”  
“What- the common room?” I raised my eyebrows as if he was mad.

Sirius grinned again in amusement.  
“No, you’ve always been here. Next to me. Always had my back over everything.”  
“That’s what friends do, right?” I replied, gulping and longing to kiss him again. My fingers tickled the back of his neck.  
Sirius’s eyes watched as mine flickered to his lips and back again, and as if he read my mind, he mumbled, “Well I don’t do this with all my friends,” before his fingers cupped my jaw and pulled me in again. I was much more desperate this time, pushing myself against him as we locked mouths. I could feel him smiling against me and it made my stomach do flips.

After a short amount of time, Sirius, still with his eyes closed, leaned back an inch and let out a laugh that tickled my face.  
“Nice pyjamas, by the way.”  
“Shut up,” I accosted, before kissing him again. I was feeling far too full to be even the slightest bit embarrassed.  



	6. Untrustworthy Silence

I lay cuddled up to Sirius on the floor of the common room. He had his back to one of the sofas, legs outstretched in front of him and one arm curled across my back, fingers tickling my waist. I was on my side, head under his chin. Our feet were intertwined and toasty warm from the nearby fire.

After kissing by the window, he (being the utterly dramatic fool he is) carried me over to the sofa where he told me I looked beautiful and kissed me again. I mean, I think beautiful was a stretch considering I was in my pyjamas, wild haired and in desperate need of a shower, but needless to say, when he said it, I believed him. Somehow Sirius had ended up on top of me and we slid to the floor in a fit of muffled laughter, trying not to wake anyone. I had cozied up to him naturally and he held me close.

“How weird is it to think back to all those times we’ve fallen asleep here together,” Sirius mused, moving his fingers to stroke the space of skin between where my hoodie had bunched up and my pj bottoms.  
“You mean, those times when you didn’t do your essays until the last minute and had to stay up all night until giving up?” I chuckled, tilting my head so I could kiss his jaw lightly.  
“Well you hadn’t done them either!”  
“Shhhh… They were super boring.” I smiled and closed my eyes, really comfortable.  
“…Why didn’t I realise before now?” He inquired wondrously aloud.  
“Because you’re an idiot…” I said sleepily, moving one hand to lie on his chest.  
Sirius kissed the top of my head.  
“Well what does that say about you then?” I felt his chest vibrate as he laughed softly.  
“Many terrible things, I’m sure. Now shh. I’m sleeping.”

I felt a hand run through my hair and I smiled with delight as my heart pattered away. As I drifted on the edge of sleep, replaying the past hour or so in my head, I abruptly remembered the reason I had come down to the common room anyway. The coldness seemed to seep into my skin. I suddenly clutched the front of Sirius’s tshirt with my fist, crumpling the fabric between my fingers.  
“Woah,” I felt a zip of tension run through his spine, “You okay?”  
“Yeah… I didn’t mean to do that. Sorry.” I chastised myself under my breath in my sleepy state.  
“You okay…?”  
“Um, yeah,” I shrugged and tried to sound cool and calm, “I just… don’t want you to be alarmed if I wake up screaming on you…”  
“What?” Sirius sat up alertly, causing me to straighten up to stop from falling down his chest. Well, there goes my comfortable position. His eyes run over my face curiously.  
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” I hush and put a hand on his shoulder to relax him.  
“You’re waking up screaming? Are you having nightmares?” He asked, in a practically demanding tone.  
“No! Well, not really. Not when I take the sleeping potion…” Moving to tuck my legs underneath myself so I was kneeling by his side, I trailed off anxiously realising that his expression had flipped out. Sirius’s mouth dropped open, his eyes wide. To say he was freaking out, well… it’s Sirius- World’s biggest drama queen.  
“When- Since- What-?” He spluttered out, grabbing one of my hands. “Is this why you weren’t in your dorm tonight?”  
When I did nothing but stare at him, he fell back against the sofa and wiped his face with his free hand.  
“I never asked. I was so wrapped up in my own issues that I never asked why you were also here…” Sirius said, mortified. His eyes stared into the fire so that I could see the flames flickering in his dark pupils.  
“I didn’t mind…” I prompted, but Sirius shook his head.  
“No, no, that was really selfish of me. I’m so sorry. And you’ve been screamin-”

Something sprung into Sirius’s mind because all of a sudden, his whole demeanour changed. His hand fell from mine as his face twisted from worry to shock.  
“Oh…” He breathed out, aghast. His hands crumpled the fabric on his knees.  
I sat by his side for a minute or two, wondering what the hell he could be thinking about.  
“You gonna let me in on the secret or?” I clicked my tongue, getting irritated from over tiredness.  
“I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault,” Sirius said, wincing as he looked back at me.  
Confused, I wrinkle my nose, “What is? You can’t control my nightmares.”  
“No… ah… I can’t-” Sirius grimaced, his hands gesturing in front of him as if he had so much to say, but couldn’t quite find the words.  
“You’re making no sense. Just as a heads up,” Sarcastically, I tug my mouth to one side to cover up the nerves that had started prickling away in my chest.  
“Come here,” Sirius sat up straight and kneeled up, pulling me into his chest.

As I breathed in his outdoorsy and leathery scent, I curled up my hands and closed my eyes. He’s just worried about me, that’s it. He’s got nothing to do with the incident. No matter what Snape says. He’s not guilty.  
“You’re really starting to worry me,” I admitted to him.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Yeah, I got that bit,” I lashed out.  
“…Sorry.”

“Alright, cut it out,” I tugged myself out his arms in a sudden flush of anger. Using the sofa for help, I got to my feet. “What’s going on? Because I’m seriously fucking tired. And I could do without cryptic apologies right now, okay?”  
Sirius seemed taken aback by my outburst, but covered it up as he also clambered to his feet.  
“Well?” I pushed, folding my arms.  
“Erin, come on…”  
“No!” I snapped, forcing his outstretched hand away. I felt like the fear from my dreams was about to overflow. So now I’ll take it out on Sirius as well as Lily, just because he couldn’t give me a straight answer. Here’s where I ruin the amazing night we’ve been having.  
“Because Snape gives me some ambiguous threat about you guys making him suffer, and even though you’ve done absolutely nothing - you’re now _sorry_ because it’s somehow your fault? Me putting two and two together, even in my over tired mind state, that makes me think that you put Snape in a fucking shack with a werewolf and tried to get him killed so he did the same to me!” 

I gasped and my hands flew to my mouth. I did not mean to say that. I did not mean to mention the wolf. Fuck. I’ve fucked up big time.

Wait.

My fingers slowly fell from my mouth. Sirius’s silver eyes were full of hurt, but he did not seem shocked in the slightest.

“Sirius,” I said in a calculating voice that didn’t belong to me. “I just told you that a werewolf attacked me. Normally that would provoke a bit more of a horrified response.”

He did nothing but stare, wide eyed and unsure.

“And you just stand there. Like this isn’t news to you at all.”

Fuck. Fuck, Snape was right. For once in his god damn pathetic life. Snape was right.

All of my remaining energy flooded out of my bones. I had to sit down. Collapsing into the sofa, I let my head drop into my hands, my hair falling over my cheeks. A tiny part of me was hoping that Sirius would throw his arm around me and tell me it was all going to fine. But no warmth came.

After an age, I squeaked out what I feared, “Snape was right then. You tried to kill him.”

“No.”

When Sirius spoke, it was with such a growl that I had to lift my head to see. His arms were shaking slightly at his side and his jaw was clenched, that gleam in his eyes diminished.  
“No,” he repeated, “We didn’t. It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like, Sirius? ‘Oh hey Snape, you know what’d be great. If you went to this place on a full moon. No worries, it’ll be fine, just go and check it out!’” I had no idea where this cold blooded voice was coming from, but once I started, I found it hard to stop. Finding my courage again, I managed to stand as I continued, “Because that is fucked up.”   
I pointed a finger at his chest, coming off more aggressive than I ever intended, “You have no idea what happened to me. Even Snape doesn’t deserve what I went through! I was so close to having my head sliced off, or a claw in my chest or- I don’t know! If I had paused for a second, I’d be dead!”

“Then why did you need rescuing if you had it all together then?!” Sirius blurted out in a shout, forgetting that it was way past 3 am, throwing his arms out and glaring at me in such a manner than I was honestly frightened.

He must have seen how his explosion affected me, because his eyes softened and he stepped towards me with his hands outstretched.  
“Erin… Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- Erin-”

I backed away, resisting the urge to take those hands I’ve desired for so long and pull him to my chest. There was no room for the blissful, full feeling that I had for him earlier in the night. It was replaced now with mistrust. A friend who lied to me. And kept things from me.

Sirius stopped, seeing me bring my hands to my chest nervously, and let out a crushed sigh.

“How did you know?” I asked him coldly.  
When he didn’t reply, I pushed again, demanding to know.   
“How did you know I was helped out?”  
There is zero ways that Sirius could know about those strange animals.

“I- We…” Sirius fumbled around his words and wiped a hand through his hair, for once lost for words and without any of his casual front. I felt a pang as I realised he was wearing an expression very similar to when he told me about losing his brother earlier. And he’s on the verge of losing me too.

Before he could find the right words to explain, a movement by the stairs made us both snap our heads in that direction. A tall boy with extremely messy black hair was rubbing his eyes as he stepped into the common room, donned in a maroon dressing gown.  
James Potter surveyed us sleepily for a moment, glancing between the pair before snapping wide awake.  
“What’s going on? I came down because I swore I heard your voice shout out, mate. I thought maybe…” James trailed off as his eyes fully focused on me. “What’s going on?” He asked again.

We were both silent. I couldn’t even look at Sirius to find out if he was struggling to share with his best friend.

“Nothing,” I said, with no hint of emotion.  
“Sure looks like nothing,” James replied, a hint of a smirk on his face. His worried hazel eyes ran over Sirius’s on edge stature. “But it’s half 3 in the morning and I honestly couldn’t care less.”

“James?” Another voice joined us and I felt like the pit of my stomach had fallen out. There was no way I was getting the truth out of Sirius with all his friends here.  
Remus Lupin shuffled in, his mouth falling open slightly at the gathered company.  
“You guys. What’s going on? If this is some sort of prank-”

I sensed Sirius tense up nearby. Touched a nerve?  
“You alright, Erin?” Lupin asked me kindly. It startled me for a moment that Lupin would address me directly out of anyone here, but then again he had been acting weirdly nice to me all week.  
“Oh- uh- yeah.”  
He smiled at me apologetically, as if he was to blame for his outrageous friends.  
“As a prefect, I’m gonna have to break up this little party, but seeing as it’s you guys…”

“I’m done here anyway,” I cut in, throwing a hand down in defeat.  
“Erin-” Sirius surprised me by pleading my name.  
I span and looked him in the eyes with a glare, “Don’t you fucking talk to me. Unless you tell me the truth about how you knew I was helped out of that god damn shack, I have no interest in what you have to say. Got that?”  
He stuttered in such a way that made my heart pound. He was so adorable, I wanted to tell him that it was fine, don’t worry about it, kiss me – but I couldn’t.  
“You know what, I’ll give you a chance to tell me right now or I’m going to bed,” I decided, folding my arms and staring him down.

Weirdly enough, it wasn’t me that Sirius turned to look at – it was James and Remus, as if he needed permission or a blessing. James had a strange guarded expression of his face, like he was trying to tell his friend was to do with his eyes. Remus, however, looked as if he’d been slapped across his face. Of course, they’d be in on this secret.   
The silence that followed gave me my answer. I gave it another minute before swallowing and gathering my wits.  
“I can’t,” finally came Sirius’s reply.   
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James and Remus visibly relax.  
“Right well. We’re done here,” I declared, clenching my fists at my sides. I strode across the room, without even glancing in Sirius’s direction. Tears pricked in my eyes. This was not how this night was supposed to end. Not when it had been going so well. He’ll never kiss me again.

Remus flinched when I marched right by him. Trying not to care, I bit my lip as I heard James behind me running over to Sirius and urged, “Sit down, mate. You look awful. Are you alright? What-” But I fell out of earshot and was getting close to my dorm.

The dreamless sleep potion on my bedside table looked like heaven when I crawled back into my bed. Downing it in one, I hoped that even the memory of Sirius’s lips on mine wouldn’t be able to break through the potions magic.


	7. Potions and Pity

“Get up, you lazy bum,” a floaty voice was calling out for me.  
My bed was so warm and comfy, so I ignored said voice and tucked the quilt further under my chin.  
“You’ve missed breakfast, so I’ve brought you toast,” the girl continued in a sing song voice, trying to tempt me out of my marshmallow cocoon.   
I managed to murmur something inaudible about being too tired.  
“We’ve got Potions in like, 15 minutes. Get up,” she ordered.

Potions? But I’m sleeping.  
A light hand tugged repeatedly on my foot that was sticking out of the covers.

“Go on without me!” I cry out, still with my eyes shut when the yanking got too annoying.  
“Honestly.” I peek open an eye to see Lily stood at the foot of my bed with one hand on her hip, the curtains swept back. “You and Sirius complete for biggest drama queen every day.”  
My face fell and the memories of last night- well, early this morning- come flooding back.   
I wiggled down so that my face was hidden under my quilt. I didn’t want Lily to read my shameful expression.  
“I’m not going.”  
“Yes you are! As your unwilling but brilliant Potions partner, if we have to work in pairs today, I refuse to end up doing all of the work- again!”  
“But Slughorn loves you!” I whine like a child not getting what she wants.  
“He’d love you too if you actually tried hard for once. Now get out. I’m not taking no for an answer.”  
I peek out and give her my best puppy dog eyes. Lily narrows her green eyes and flicks out her wand.  
“I will hex you,” she chided seriously.

I couldn’t have rolled off my bed faster. Landing in a heap on the floor, I ruffled my hair and pouted up at my best friend.  
“I’m up, I’m up!” I pleaded, knowing that when Lily threatened to hex you, you did what she said, no questions. She knew some especially nasty ones and I was way too tired to barter with her.  
A pile of clothes landed on my unkempt head.  
“Get changed. I’ll be waiting downstairs with your cold toast.”  
“Yes, mum,” I grumbled as she strode out of earshot.

Five minutes later, I was dressed, brushed, made up and munching on toast, but still no happier. Lily walked next to me with a skip in her step, the epitome of a morning person. I must have looked like the Grinch next to her.  
“Did you sleep alright after last night?” Lils asked me as we made our way down the many flights of stairs.  
“Yup.”  
“Did you drink the potion?”  
“Yup.”  
“Are you going to be sulking all day?”  
“Most likely.”

I pushed the heavy door to the dungeons open and let Lily pass through before me.  
“You’re the worst,” She smiled warmly at me, tugging the sleeves of her robes over her hands because of the chill that lingered down here.  
“I know,” I replied, trying to make a joke. The smile didn’t quite reach my eyes.

Reaching the classroom, Lily entered through the ajar door and simpered through, excited for her favourite class. I followed behind, my arms folded and scowl plastered on my face.

The classroom hadn’t changed at all, but there was definitely something different in the air. The Slytherin table with Snape on fell silent as I strode past to get to my cauldron. I felt Snape’s lingering eyes on us as we passed. I forced my gaze straight ahead, giving myself no reason to hex the life out of him. It was worse when I got to mine and Lily’s table that we shared with some of the other Gryffindors – notably all four Marauders. Instead of taking my place in between Lily and Sirius, I grabbed Lily’s arm, much to her surprise, and forced her into my usual seat, taking hers for my own. Remus sat on the other side of me. I didn’t look at any of them. The thick air was brutal. I wondered if Lily was suspicious yet and how much of an earful I’ll get when we leave class.

Slughorn closed the door behind him as he strolled in merrily, sharpening my attention.   
“Morning all! Morning, Prewett! Morning, Evans!” He nodded in our direction with a wide lipped smile. I rolled my eyes habitually.  
“Today we’ll be trying out a new potion. If you’d like to open your books to page 290, the recipe and instructions will all be there,” Slughorn explained, before patiently waiting for the scrabble of pages to stop turning, his arms resting behind his back.

“A laugh-inducing potion?” I heard Mulciber mumble from another table, just as I’d flicked to the right place.  
“That’s right, Mulciber. Needless to say with winter well upon us, we could all use a bit of a pick me up!”  
“Wait, we’re expected to drink our potions at the end?” I heard James ask, with a lot of doubt in his voice.  
Slughorn nodded his blonde, chubby head, “That’s right. Only the ones that I deem are safe, of course, of course. Do well enough and you’ll be leaving this class feeling like you haven’t laughed so hard in years!”  
I raised my eyebrows at the childish delight on the old man’s face.   
“What if we go wrong?” Lily piped up next to me.  
Slughorn’s eyes melted at her, as if she was ridiculous to even consider that she would mess up.  
“My dear, nothing can do disastrously wrong with this potion, as long as you make sure you stick to the instructions. Remember class, that anti-clockwise turn is important. There’s one on step 7, make sure you don’t forget it! Ingredients are in the cupboard as usual.”  
With a flick of his wand, the jar filled cupboard at the back of the room sprang open and Slughorn left us to it, deciding that now would be a good time to sit at his desk and stick his stubby fingers in a packet of crystalized pineapple.

“Lily, I’m super tired. I’m going to mess up,” I whispered in her ear as I followed her to the cupboard.  
She was reading the ingredients list in the book she had brought with her.  
“You’ll be fine,” She reassured me before glancing at a few jars. “Hold please. And this one.” Lily dumped a couple of small vials and a jar of something that resembled red oozing eyeballs into my open hand, and checked the book again before truly looking me in the eye. “By the looks of things, the boys didn’t get much rest either and you know what they’re like. Any excuse to show off and cause a disaster. As long as you don’t decide to join in and be an idiot like last week,” She paused, giving me a pointed look, “You’ll be fine.”

After picking us out a few dry shrivelled beans from a drawer, Lily led us back towards the table.  
“Besides, I’m still waiting for an explanation on the sudden seat change,” She quipped.  
Luckily, I didn’t have to answer, because as soon as we got back to our table, Lily was in full-blown-potions-mode and was focused on nothing other than her own cauldron.

As I stood desperately trying to read the words in front of me, my eyes blurred with lack of sleep. I rubbed my foggy head and tried to concentrate – well, tried to copy everything Lils was doing anyway.  
As I dug one of the gooey red eyeball shapes out of the jar, I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I hated the texture of most potions ingredients. That’s why I messed about so much in this class – I just really don’t have the temperament or patience to do things that I don’t want to do. I hurriedly splashed, what I found out to be a sloths brain, into my cauldron and went back to reading.

“Want the other half of my Valerian root?” A shy voice came from my right.  
Shocked, I turned my head and saw Lupin smiling awkwardly at me, knife in hand.  
“Oh-” I hesitated, touched and confused by his offer. “Um, sure. Thank you.”  
I passed over my chopping board and he scraped half of his chopped roots onto it.  
“Thanks,” I repeated, as he passed it back deliberately.

I tipped them into my cauldron and stirred 4 times clockwise, as instructed. On the fourth time round, my elbow knocked into Lupin’s by accident.  
“Sorry- sorry,” I apologised, attempting a grin.  
“No, I’m sorry! It’s okay. Not used to having someone other than Lily to your right?” He guessed, lifting his ladle into his pale orange mixture.  
My face contorted.   
“No.” I spoke through gritted teeth, glancing at Sirius for the first time today. He was stirring his potion without a care, one hand under his chin, eyes half closed. Annoyed at the same time as feeling my cheeks flush, I turn back to my potion book.

Unfortunately, Remus was extremely aware of my half a second glance.  
“He’s really down about last night, you know,” I heard him say, only loud enough for me to hear.  
I flushed and aggressively reached for a vial of Armadillo bile, pretending to have not heard him.  
“Really, Erin. Just talk to him again. You guys were so close. It’d be such a shame to let your friendship go over one argument. I’m sure you can work something out.”

I saw red and the vial slipped from in between my fingers. Ignoring the liquid seeping over my foot for a moment, I rotated towards Lupin, who was giving me the most pitiful expression I’d ever seen. It made me sick. How dare he feel sorry for me! What had Sirius told him? That I was some tragic trauma survivor who needed pity to help my pathetically scary nightmares go away?  
With my voice louder than I had intended, I growled, “Why don’t you keep your nose out of other people’s business! Stop nagging me!”

“Hey,” James cut in, coming to stand behind Remus. “Everything okay here?”  
“Yes! Jeez!” I threw my arms up exasperated and marched to the back of the class to collect some paper towels to mop up the bile mess.   
  
Lupin didn’t try to speak to me again for the rest of the class, although I did catch a couple of wide eyed glimpses, as if he was scared of overstepping his boundary again. When Slughorn called time, my potion was a pinky red colour. It was pale in comparison to Lily’s next to me, whose potion was a bright, pillar-box red, exactly like the description in the book. Slughorn called us round one of the Slytherin tables and had us inspect each cauldron, examining colour and calling on where the pointers for improvement were. Four Slytherins tasted their potions, each clutching their stomachs in turn, tears appearing in their eyes as they laughed. After a few seconds, Slughorn issued them a remedy and they returned to normal.  
  
We then moved onto our table, where Slughorn called us to move closer to Lily’s cauldron to inspect its perfection. I saw Snape slide away towards James and Sirius’s side, which I clocked as very out of character, knowing how much he longed to praise Lily on every merit. Next we walked around the table to said boys cauldron.  I ended up leaning against the table, almost right in front of it. Sirius’s was a bit darker red than Lily’s, but nonetheless safe to test.  
Just as Slughorn had told Sirius to go ahead, he paused, spoon mid-air as a slimy voice spoke up.

“Sir. Sorry,” Snape gave me a glance of pure hatred before nodding at the Professor in a stupidly serious manner, “I don’t want anything bad to happen like last week, but I’m sure I saw Carter slip something in that potion.”  



	8. Snape's Trickery

“-but I’m sure I saw Carter slip something in that potion.”

My mouth fell open in pure shock.

That git. That lying git.

“What the hell are you talking about? I’ve not been anywhere near here!” I called back defensively, my eyebrows furrowed.  
“Except for now,” Snape replied.  
Glancing down, I realised that I was perfectly positioned by the cauldron. It was so good for Snape, I started laughing in disbelief.   
“Are you kidding me?” I let out in exasperation. I so did not need this after only a handful hours of sleep.  
“Carter, quieten down! Did you put something in Black’s cauldron?” Slughorn inquired, obviously having believed Snape after my incident last week.  
“No!” I gushed, completely innocent, “I wouldn’t do that!”  
“You did last week!” Snape hit back, thoroughly enjoying himself.  
“I would not poison my _friend’s_ potion!” I cried out before realising what I had said.  
I heard Sirius’s spoon clatter onto the table.  
“Sorry, clumsy,” he grimaced at Slughorn and picked it back up again.  
“Right!” Bellowed Slughorn. “The potion in question does not look by colour to be unsafe. This potion in particular can be used safely when all shades of red, so we can safely say that Black’s here will not be harmful. However, Carter… detention seems to have taught you nothing.”  
I rolled my eyes and groaned – which probably wasn’t the best thing to do when the teacher was already pretty pissed at me.  
“So I’m going to take ten points from Gryffindor and-”  
“What! No way!” I scoffed, not believing my luck. This was so unfair. I actually haven’t done anything this time!  
“And!” Slughorn raised his voice, “another ten if you keep speaking up. Collect your own spoon, please.”  
Angry and flustered, I wormed my way through the students, collected my spoon and returned to my spot. Through a clenched jaw, I glared at Snape with as much hate as I could muster. Those punches mustn’t have been enough for him to get it through his thick skull that he needs to leave me alone.  
“I want you to try his potion first,” Slughorn ordered me.  
“What?”  
“I said, I want you to try the potion first. If you are as innocent as you say, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”  
“But I didn’t-! Ugh, oh my god. Fine!” I gave up protesting, and dipped my spoon into the whirling mixture. Slughorn held the vial of remedy in his hand nearby, waiting.

I lifted the spoon, trying carefully under my angry tremble to not spill it everywhere. I popped the silver in my mouth and took it down in one. With the spoon still sticking out of my mouth, I glanced to my side and saw that Sirius had also dipped his own spoon in hastily and taken some down before anyone could stop him.  
My eyes widened. It was this moment that made me sure that Snape had spiked the potion to get back at me. And now Sirius had taken it too.

A hand flew up out of instinct and I knocked the spoon out of the boys’ mouth. But it was too late. He gave me a completely out of order wink. And that was the last thing I saw before a cramp in my stomach made me double over. I- I was crying? No! I was laughing so much that I was almost screaming, my hands grasping my stomach. My jaw started to ache and water was flooding out of my eyes. Beyond my own gasps of breath, I heard a familiar bark of a laugh joining in.

I waved one hand in Slughorn’s general direction and felt the remedy being pressed into my palm. Without question, I took a swig of the flask and passed it back, using my free hand to wipe a tear away. My throat was now feeling slightly raw from laughing too much. Any moment now…

But the laughter did not ease.

“W-why-?” I managed to gasp out as I unwillingly grinned away, choking on my own laugh. Sirius was having the same trouble. James was patting him on the back, biting his lip from trying to stifle his own amusement.  
“Oh dear, overdone it on the Boom Berries I think,” I heard Slughorn announcing to the class as I clutched at my aching stomach and jaw. Sirius was now on the floor, sat with his head thrown back, gushing with hilarity. If I wasn’t still infuriated at him, I’d think that he looked more handsome than ever. “Yes, that can sometimes happen. I’ll have to go and fetch the stronger antidote. No one move, please. I’ll be back from the store cupboard momentarily.”

I heard a door opening through the echoes of my own head and then someone was standing in front of me like an overgrown bat.  
Snape cocked his head to one side and leaned in to whisper, “Not only extra Boom Berries, but I also added a bit from my own personal collection. See if you can work it out.”  
“Get away from her, Sev,” Lily chastised him, holding me by my doubled over shoulders. He slunk away at Lily’s command and I had no choice but to continue my painful gasps.

Slughorn returned a moment later. He tipped my chin up and trickled a blue liquid into my open mouth before turning to Sirius and doing the same. After a moment, the cramps eased and I started to be able to control a few of my heavy breaths. Panting hard, I leaned on the table for support and let my head hang. When I was able to breathe normally again, I stood straight, brushing my hair out of my face and using my fingers to wipe away any excess tears.  
I turned on Sirius without thinking it through.  
“Why did you do that? You were supposed to wait for me!” I scolded with my arms held wide.  
Sirius replied immediately, “I thought Snivellus had poisoned it at the last moment and I wanted to try and get there before you had chance to swallow it.”

I was taken aback by the honesty and detail of the answer. I was expecting a shrug at most. Sirius seemed shocked too because he frowned and used a finger to wipe his bottom lip, peering at me curiously.  
“Well,” Slughorn clapped his hands together, “After that mishap, no harm done, but we have ran over time. So make sure to bottle your potions everyone, those who haven’t tried a taste of theirs, we can return to them next week!”

Our classmates started to move at a shuffle around us, but Sirius and I remained still, locked with the others eyes. A bubbling feeling inside worried me, but it couldn’t be from the potion because it was sitting on my chest, not my stomach. I felt like I needed to open my mouth and say something. But I was still so mad at him.

“I’m so angry at you for doing that,” I blurted out without meaning to.  
“For tasting the potion?” Sirius questioned, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.  
“Yes. It wasn’t brave, it was stupid. Instead of one of us getting poisoned, it’s probably got both of us in shit.”  
“You misunderstand. My intention was to save you from any poison.”  
“You think I need saving?” I placed a hand on my hip, irritation with him rising again.  
Sirius stumbled for a moment as if he was really struggling to give an answer.  
“No. But you should let people help you out more and stop lashing out when they do,” he confessed. Then his eyes widened and he put his finger to his bottom lip again.

I wrinkled my nose and wanted to tell him that he was talking rubbish, I’m more than fine, but as the words formed in my mouth, they changed without me thinking about it.  
“Well maybe I’ve spent so long trying to please you and fit in with the other brave Gryffindors that I’ve learnt to cover it up with humour and anger when I’m absolutely terrified.”  
I gasped at myself and felt the stinging of tears behind my eyes. I’d never meant to say that. I’d never tell anyone that. Oh no. And on top of everything, I almost at the point of crying.

My lip trembled. Snape’s done something. He’s poisoned us. I lifted my fingers to my shaking lips and pressed down firmly, as if that would stop the words coming. If he’s given us something to make us brutally honest, I have no idea where this conversation is likely to go.   
“I’m so scared right now, I don’t know what’s happening,” I tell Sirius through my fingers. Sirius was watching me with an equally anxious expression, his fingers flexing with nerves.

As if he had been watching us all this time, Snape appeared next to us, leaning against the table with a rare expression of glee on his face.  
“Veritaserum. Makes the drinker tell the truth. And there just _might_ have been a tiny drop of it in that potion of yours, Black. I was meaning to just have Carter here drink it, but this is too perfect.” He grinned like Christmas had come early, “Who knows what mysteries and secrets Black will uncover!”

Sirius’s eyes shot over to Remus and he swayed on his feet. Snape followed his gaze and let out an awful laugh.  
“Yes, Black. Every secret just waiting on the tip of your tongue. Enjoy!”  
As Snape sauntered away, I almost asked what he meant- the words were on my lips, but then I realised that he’d have to tell the truth and stopped myself. I’d done enough to poor Remus today without his mate spilling all his secrets.  
Lily returned to my shoulder and passed me my satchel.  
“Did I hear that right? Has Snape given you Veritaserum?”  
“Yes,” Sirius and I said at the same time, before scowling at each other.  
“Well I should be able to concoct an antidote, but it usually wears off after about an hour,” she offered.  
“A lot of damage can be done in one hour, Lily,” Sirius growled out, glancing once again at Remus and James, who were placing their bottles of potion on the rack at the front. “I need a cure.”  
“ _We_ need a cure,” I corrected in a harsh voice, “You probably think you’re the only one with things they don’t want people to know.”  
“What? No I don’t. I just have bigger secrets than the fact that I think you are an incredibly good kisser!” Sirius declared in a louder voice than he would have liked.

For the second time today, my mouth dropped open and I hid my face in embarrassment. Lily tugged my hands down and narrowed her sharp, green eyes at me.  
“…What else haven’t you told me, E?” She peered, her hands clapped over mine.  
As I opened my mouth to tell her _exactly_ what I hadn’t told her, she realised what her mistake and slapped one of her hands over my mumbling lips.  
“In fact, ignore that. Don’t answer that.”

“What’s going on? You guys trying to be late for Care of Magical Creatures or what?” James called from the door.  
“No,” Sirius and I answered at the same time again. We, both flushed with red cheeks, glanced at each other in annoyance.

We left the classroom as Lily filled James, Remus and Peter in about Snape’s trickery.  
“…So we need to be really careful what we ask them about, okay?” She finished, twisting her mouth. “Meanwhile, I can skip Care and go and brew an antidote- don’t look at me like that Potter, I have skipped a class before, you know! -But it’ll take me about 20 minutes. So, please,” she sighed, rolling her eyes, “Try not to screw up while I’m gone!”  
“Lily, please don’t leave me with them,” I whimper as her red hair flies over her shoulder on her way down the potions corridor. She simply wiggled some fingers and disappeared.

“You don’t usually have a problem hanging out with us, Erin,” Sirius retorts as we climb the stairs to the Entrance Hall.  
Before I can help myself, I find myself replying, “Well that was before you were a huge jerkass and lied to me. Now I can’t trust you,” I shunned him, following James out of the door and into the Hall.  
“You trusted me enough to make out with me for the good part of an hour!” Sirius starts to get angry again and slams the door behind him.  
“I thought you liked me!” I cried out, spinning to face him and walking backwards at the same time.  
“Guys…” James made a half assed attempt to stop us, but I could see from the smirk on his face that he was really enjoying watching.  
“I do like you! I’ve liked you for ages! I just didn’t realise what that feeling was until last night!” Sirius screwed up his fists in anguish. I saw a few second years turn their heads in fright as they passed us.  
“Well same here! For years! But you’ve gone and ruined that!” I snapped, stopping in the centre of the Entrance Hall to point a finger at his chest.  
“ _I’ve_ ruined it? Ha! Erin, you aren’t completely blameless! You told me to never speak to you again! What kind of message am I supposed to get from that? That you want to go out with me?” Sarcastically, Sirius rolled his eyes.  
“Of course I want to go out with you! I’d kiss your stupidly perfect face right now if I wasn’t so mad at you!”  
“Well so would I, if you weren’t flipping out so much!” Sirius exclaimed, throwing his arms out.  
I stumbled as I tried to stop speaking. But I’d learnt by now that nothing could stay the words. “W-well I’ve told you. I only get really angry when I’m scared witless!”  
His arms fell to his sides like a punctured balloon. We were inches apart now. I could almost feel the heat radiating off his chest. When he spoke next, it was a lot softer. “Why am I scaring you?”  
“Because I care about you so much and I’m afraid that this mistrust is making me lose you. I’ve never liked someone so much before, I don’t know what to expect.”

Sirius’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled genuinely.   
“You can expect this,” he told me in an assertive voice before clutching both hands to my jaw and pressing his mouth against mine.  
Ignoring all of the protests in my head, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back forcefully.   



	9. Care of Magical Dorks

We drew our mouths away gasping. Sirius gave me a lazy grin and licked his lips. I felt my head spinning. He doesn’t hate me. He said he liked me _liked_ me. Oh god.   
A cough from the side brought me hurtling back into reality. James Potter had his arm draped around Remus’s neck, with Peter wide eyed lurking at his elbow.

“Like I said, you trying to make us late for Care or what?” James sniggered, fixing his glasses.  
My arms were off Sirius like he was on fire. I took a hasty step backwards and cleared my throat, feeling clearly more embarrassed than Sirius. He pushed back his dark curls confidently and started to stride outside, a slight swagger in his step.  
“Um,” I pointed after Sirius, “I should…” My cheeks were burning. As I scurried away, I heard the three boys dissolve in peals of laughter.

I caught up with Sirius halfway down the slope to the paddock where Grubby-Plank was waiting to begin the lesson.  Without saying a word, the boy slung his arm across my shoulders naturally. I bit my lip with a smile and fell in step with him, my bad mood from earlier melting away.

We joined up with the Hufflepuffs and waited for the last remaining Gryffindors to arrive. Although the sun was bright in the sky, there was a chilly wind scurrying through the grounds. Sirius removed his arm and curled his fingers in mine to keep them warm. James appeared at Sirius’s side and pretended to throw up.  
“Everyone here? Yes? Good. Gather round, gather round,” Grubby-Plank held up her gloved hands and ushered us closer. We were right at the edge of the forest line. “I’ve got something special for you today. Boys might want to stay back; Unicorn foals are more trusting of girls.”  
She turned to the forest, stepping into the first line of trees to collect two beautifully pale foals, one silver and the other gold.

I gasped, thinking they were most graceful and striking creatures I’d ever seen. Grubby-Plank led them into the paddock and let them trot about majestically, their golden hooves denting the dark grass.  
“Unicorn foals are born pure gold in colour. Can anyone tell me at what age they start to change silver?”  
Cece spoke up nearby, her oval eyes watching the foals intently, “Two. And their horns grow in at around 4.”  
“Brilliant, take ten points. It’s at about seven that their coat turns a snowy white colour, completing their change  into adulthood.”

Some of the girls were starting to inch closer to the golden foal – the more inquisitive of the two. I let my hand fall from Sirius’s as I moved closer. A small whine left his mouth as I did, making me twist my head to raise my eyebrows at him.  
“I don’t want you to go. You were keeping me warm,” he pouts, still under the influence of the Veritaserum.  
“But I want to pet the unicorn,” I told him truthfully, before leaving him behind and going to stand at Cece’s side.

The gold foal sniffed in our direction and I let out a squeak.  
“I know, it’s so adorable!” Cece whispered in my ear, not wanting to frighten the creature.  
“I want one,” I nodded, lifting my hand, very slowly, with my palm facing the unicorns muzzle. It sniffed and blinked its cerulean eyes. I tried hard not to blink, knowing that some animals mistrust humans who can’t hold their gaze. Gently, the unicorn pressed its nose into my hand.  
I emit a squee and petted its cheek, grinning at Cece when she joined in, waving her dark fingers in its golden mane.

A kerfuffle from over to our left made us turn our heads. The silver, older unicorn was pressing his nose into Remus’s side, whinnying and demanding his attention. Remus’s cheeks were red as he awkwardly patted its head. And the foal was more than happy to let James tickle its neck and let Sirius rub noses with it.  
“That’s certainly a first!” Grubby-Plank remarked, “It’s extremely unusual to have a foal approach a male, especially when there is a large crowd of females around. You must have animal instincts!” She laughed, before patting the flank of the foal in front of me and leaning down to inspect the tail hair, explaining about its properties and many uses.

Something made me halt at her words, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. None of the Professor’s explaination reached my ears. I watched the boys playing with the foal, the niggling feeling in my head frustrating me. Peter was running a hand down its mane and it shook its head in delight. The foal clopped its feet on the spot and ran in a circle as if it wanted to run and let the boys chase it. Nearby, two Hufflepuff girls stood to the side, ignored by the creature. Something definitely wasn’t right…

Abruptly turning away from my gorgeous foal, I trod over to the boys, frosty grass crunching under my feet.   
“Good girl! You love Prongsy, don’t you! Yes you do!” James was cooing, cuddling his cheek against the poor unicorn. It whinnied in response and fluttered its eyelashes.  
“Wouldn’t let Lily over hear you talking like that,” I laughed, joining them. “She might get jealous.”  
The comment would have gone unnoticed if I hadn’t suddenly whacked my hand over my mouth in shock. It was one of those remarks that slipped out without me thinking about it.  
James straightened up with a strange expression on his face. He pushed his glasses up his nose and wobbled his mouth open.  
“Wait…. Do you mean Lily does actually like me?”  
“James!” Remus cried out, “Don’t!”  
“Well she’s-” I started before a hand slapped over my mouth. I mumbled the rest of my answer into Sirius’s palm, sighing when I was done. That was too close.  
“Worth a shot,” James shrugged and turned back to the foal as if my answer hadn’t meant a great deal to him anyway. I knew better than to believe that.

“Where is she anyway?” Peter asked, flicking his eyes along the path back to the castle.  
“She’ll be here soon, don’t worry guys. If anyone can brew an antidote in a limited amount of time, it’s Evans,” James coolly said, messing up his hair as if Lily would benefit from it.  
I grinned, knowing my friend would probably roll her eyes at his comment and repress a smile.

As the foal went back to cuddling up to Remus, Sirius turned and quietly spoke to me.  
“What are you doing this weekend?” He inquired, with a lazy grin.  
“Homework. Nothing much… Sirius Black, are you asking me out on a date?” I purred, raising my eyebrows.  
“Yes- damn it. I was meant to play that cool,” Sirius scowled.  
I leant my weight on one hip and beamed at him, “Well then my answer is: I’m busy going to Hogsmede with my dorky, loveable crush.”  
He looked delighted for a moment before his expression went crestfallen. Sirius squinted at me, “You think I’m dorky?”  
“I just said, didn’t I?”

“Sirius, Erin! There she is!” Remus called to us, pointing over to the castle where red hair was swinging side to side behind crimson lined robes. Her pace was fast, one hand on the strap of her bag, the other curled into a fist, in which I hoped there was an antidote to our problem.

“Would it be really awful of me to ask you something before you take that antidote?” I placed my hand on Sirius’s arm, my heart beat suddenly racing with the idea. I made sure my words were carefully formed, so that he wouldn’t be forced to answer.  
He cocked his head curiously, “Depends what the question was, I guess?”  
“The same one I asked you last night. The one you wouldn’t answer.”  
  
Sirius’s mouth fell open slightly and he gave the foal playing with Remus a long stare. Avoiding my gaze, he replied with a clenched jaw.  
“I really don’t want you to ask me that.”  
 I nodded acceptingly, surprised that I didn’t completely freak out and get angry for once.  
“Sure. I won’t then.”  
His silver eyes found mine.  
“You’re fine with that?”  
I shrugged, “I’m not quite sure yet, but I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. That’s unfair. You must have a good reason behind it.”  
Sirius squeezed my hand gratefully whilst we watched Lily reach the class.

“Sorry, Professor, I had to run to the Hospital Wing,” Lily apologised to Grubby-Plank as she entered the paddock, sparing the golden foal an excited glance.  
Grubby-Plank waved at her, not all that bothered at Lily’s lateness. Another perk of being a perfect student – you get away with anything. “Yes, yes, just make sure you catch up on the information you’ve missed,” the Professor told her before turning back to the foal.  
Lily skipped over to us hurriedly, her cheeks red from her walk.

“Done it!” She declared, opening her pale palm to reveal a vial of silvery liquid.  
“Lily, you are the cleverest person I know!” I cried, leaping to throw my arms around her.  
“Hey!” Sirius exclaimed, offended by my honesty.  
“We’d be nowhere without Lils, don’t sulk,” I chided him, lifting the vial out of her hand like it might explode at any second.

“There’s enough for both of you. Take a swig,” She told me, glancing over her shoulder to check Grubby-Plank was still occupied.  
Without waiting another moment, I chugged down a mouthful of the liquid and passed it to Sirius, who glanced at an extremely relieved Remus. After swallowing the rest of the potion, he passed the empty bottle back to Lily and licked his lips expectantly.

“What now?” He asked.  
“Someone ask him something really embarrassing,” I urged, with a grin on my face. A pressure had lifted from my chest, assuring me that the antidote had worked. I, thankfully, no longer felt like I had to bite down on my tongue.  
“If you had to date one of the Marauders, who would it be?” James chortled, tickling the foal under the chin as he did.  
Sirius leaned over to his mate and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, “You only asked me that so I’d say you.”  
“Of course!”

Lily and I exchanged exasperated glances.  
“Honestly, Lils, you’re the best. Thank you,” I reaffirmed.   
“It was no problem. What are friends for?” She replied, walking to stand next to James so she could pet the silvery foal. It nuzzled her hand happily.


	10. The Date

After a night of a dreamless sleep, I awoke early to frost covered windows and a chill everywhere except my toasty cocoon of a bed. As I pulled my red covers tighter, I rolled over and sacrificed a few fingers to the cold to push back the curtains near my head. Lily was already up and dressed. She was brushing her red hair back into a ponytail when she caught my movements.  
“Morning, sleepyhead.”  
I grumbled in response.  
“You’re going to be late if you stay in bed much longer,” Lily raised her eyebrows at me and placed her hairbrush down.  
“But it’s cooooold,” I whined, sticking my bottom lip out.  
She rolled her eyes before picking up her bedside mirror and peering into it.  
“Come on. It’s so beautiful outside. The whole grounds are covered in snow. Hogsmede is going to look like a Christmas card!”  
“Snoooow!” I moaned quietly. “That means even more cold.”  
“It also means that Sirius can keep you warm,” Lily replied coolly, with a twinkle in her eye.  
My face grew hot and I snuggled my face into my covers.  
“Shut up.”

“Well stay here if you want, just don’t come moaning to me when you’ve made that lovesick puppy upset because you’d rather stay in bed than go meet him.”  
“That’s not fair Lils!” I threw my covers off, much to my pain, and sat up properly. I crossed my legs and our eyes met. Something clicked in her face as she understood.  
“You’re really nervous.”  
I said nothing, but rubbed my sleepy eyes, trying to avoid her now very sharp gaze.  
“Erin! Why didn’t you say sooner! I thought you were really excited!”  
“I am!” I cried, groaning and running my hands through my hair, “I just- I don’t know! It’s just all different now. What if I say something really unfunny? What if he decides we’re better off as friends?”  
Lily sighed, almost impatiently, “You are the worst. Have you seen the way Sirius looks at you?”  
A tight knot appeared in my stomach and I realised I was dreading this date more than I originally thought.  
Quiet and thoughtful, I bit my lip before, “That’s just it Lily... The thought of him actually liking me is terrifying! I have no idea how relationship-y stuff works! He’s so much more experienced than me. And if things get serious, what if I freak out because I’m nervous and end up making a really big mistake? You know what happens when I can’t deal – I act like a complete jerk…”

Lily stood and without saying a word, started rooting in one of her drawers. She pulled out an black jumper with tiny studs on the shoulders and held it up to me.  
“That’s why, Erin, you’re going to look ridiculously hot. You’re going to _own_ this date, okay? You and Sirius get along like a house on fire. _Nothing_ is going to go wrong.” I opened my mouth to speak but she held up a finger, “Nope. No protests. No pity parties. Erin, you are confident and funny and quite frankly, he is lucky to have someone like you. Now put on this jumper and those grey jeans you have, and get yourself ready. I’m going to Hogsmede anyway with Alice in a few minutes, so if worst comes to worst, you can always come and find us. But right now, you have half an hour before you are officially late so if I were you, I’d get out of bed and go and meet the boy I’ve been crushing on for god knows how long.”

Why is she always right?

On Lily’s orders, I shuffled into the bathroom for a quick shower. Once I had dressed, straightened the life out of my hair and put on my usual make up, I tugged on my coat and boots with only minutes to spare.

My stomach had decided that it wasn’t going to let go of this tight clenched feeling. I checked my reflection again. And again. Then tugged the bottom of my coat. Then checked my hair. Oh god, I hate this.

My heart was in my throat when I finally left the dorm behind and made my way down the stairs. A thousand worries were running through my mind at once. What if he’s forgotten? What if all the boys are going to be there too? What if he’s still mad at? What if it was just a joke?

No. Erin. He asked you under Veriterserum, stop panicking.

And then I took the final few steps in to the common room. My eyes fell immediately on the familiar dark curls that belonged to Sirius Black. He was alone, much to my delight. I don’t think my nerves could take any amount of James Potter’s jokes today. Leaning against the wall near the portrait opening, he kept one foot on the wall and one hand twirling his wand in circles as he waited.

When his gaze met mine, his mouth opened in a grin. He pushed off the wall and sauntered over to meet me halfway.  
“Hey,” Sirius smiled, oozing with confidence.  
“Hi,” I squeaked, hugging my arms around my waist.  
“How are you?”  
“Cold. You?”   
“I thought you’d say that,” Sirius dug into his coat pocket and brought out a black beanie hat. He shoved it onto my head without warning and tugged it down to cover my ears. A part of me regretted spending so much time on my hair this morning. Staying close to my face, he whispered, “There. Perfect.” And kissed my nose lightly.

Inside, I freaked out at how adorable he was. My hearts did flips and I felt like crying out with joy. Instead, I smirked at him and moved my head so I was an inch away from his lips.  
“Showering me with gifts will get you nowhere, Sirius Black.”  
I started towards the portrait hole, turning my head as I did to look back at him, standing with a grin on his face at me.  
“Are you coming or what?”

Lily was right, again. Hogsmede _did_ look like something out of a Christmas card. The sloped rooftops were piled high with snow, as were the trees, and huge piles of the stuff lay grouped alongside the streets. There were fairy lights strung up everywhere – in windows and in bushes and above shop doors. All around us, red faced Hogwarts students were bustling in and out of the shops and chatting on corners, all donned with their house scarves and gloves.  
“Woah,” Sirius nodded in approval.  
“I know right…”

But then my eyes fell on a particular coffee shop and I almost retched.  
“Except that monstrosity,” I wrinkled my nose and waved my hand in the direction of Madame Puddifoots Tea Room.   
It would only look worse on Valentine’s Day, surely. In the large café window, there was a display covered in dancing gnomes with elf outfits on. Some were smooching and others were sprinkling fake pink snow onto the windowsill. There were big pink hearts dangling by the doorway and a whole cluster of mistletoe waiting just inside the doorframe. Through the glass, I could make out a hundred and one shiny pink baubles floating around and hovering around couples.  
“It makes me want to throw up,” I told Sirius, who was taking in the scene of the café with a perplexed expression on his face.   
After he didn’t reply straight away with a witty comment, I cocked my head to one side in thought.  
“You’ve most definitely been in there before haven’t you?”  
Sirius tilted his head downwards to narrow his eyes at me playfully.  
“Never.”  
“Oh really?”  
“Yes!”  
“Awfully defensive.”  
“I- I may have gone a few times.”  
“On a date?”  
“… If it’s any consolation, they were the worst dates I’ve ever been on.”  
“Did you have to wear a suit and tie?”  
“No, I did not. Shut up!”  
“Bet you did. Did the gnome cupids serenade you as you proposed to follow your date around sprinkling snow romantically on her shoulders for the rest of her life?” I laughed loudly, watching Sirius’s flustered expression.  
“Erin, don’t make me take you there.” He said suddenly locking eyes with me.  
I caught my breath. “Don’t you dare.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows challengingly.  I almost didn’t crack. But then I saw one of the Christmas gnomes burst out of a present on the windowsill of the café and I burst out laughing again, keeling over to clutch my stomach.  
“That’s it!” Sirius joked, grabbing my around my waist from behind and lifting me in the air. I squealed, but couldn’t stop the laughter coming. He started to shuffle us over towards Madame Puddifoot’s.  
“NO! No!” I cried through giggles. “Anything but that!”  
“Too late,” Sirius said into my ear, his breath warming my cheek. He started to tickle his fingers where they were gripping around my waist and I started shrieking louder. I wondered how many odd looks we were getting, but I didn’t care. I was far too gone. My jaw was aching as if I’d taken too much of that laughing potion again.

Sirius must have slipped on some wet snow, because all of a sudden we both tipped backwards. I landed flat on my back in shock. A jolt ran down my spine, but fortunately, Sirius’s body saved me from hitting the hard street cobbles. He however, didn’t have any cushioning. As soon as I heard him groan out in pain, I rolled off him and twisted around to kneel at his side.   
“Oh my god! Are you okay?” I cried out, worried. I placed my hands gently on his arm.  
Sirius had his eyes closed and a pinched look on his face. Even so, he raised one hand and drew his thumb and forefinger into a circle, signalling he was okay.  
“Can you sit up? Oh god. Sirius?”   
His silence made me uneasy…  
I watched as he slowly drew in a deep breath and squinted open one eye.

Quicker than I could have anticipated, Sirius suddenly whipped up and in a second had brought my face to his. His lips were a warm comfort against the bite of the cold weather. I didn’t even care that we were in the middle of a pretty busy street. When he kissed me deeply, I forgot everything.  
A minute later, Sirius pulled away, his cheeks slightly pink.  
“Were you worried about me? You were definitely worried, weren’t you?” He winked.  
“Shut up.”

We clambered to our feet, brushing the melting snow off our clothes. When Sirius was done wiping his back, he weaved his arms around my waist and pulled me close.  
I looked up at his silver eyes and felt my heart pounding against my ribs. How is this so easy for us to go from friends to this?  
As if he read my mind, Sirius head butted me gently.  
“You’re fun, Erin. I always have so much fun with you.”  
Butterflies swarmed in my stomach.  
“I guess you’re okay too,” I replied, smirking.  
“Just okay?” Sirius tried to pretend to be offended, but couldn’t stop that handsome grin cracking out on his face. “I just saved you from a dramatic injury!”  
“Hm.”

I decided I wanted to kiss him again. So I did. I worked my gloved hands round the back of his neck, just as I felt snow started to fall around us.  
“I’m glad we did this,” Sirius breathlessly murmured to me.  
“Same. I’m glad we’re over that weird argument thing…”  
He kissed me again lightly, making it last.

“Want to go get a drink at The Three Broomsticks?” He asked, leaning back. He brought up both hands and fixed my hat.  
I was about to reply that yes, I was freezing and would love a drink, when a noise made me turn my head.

The bark of a dog.

I turned my head in the direction of the sound. Then my whole body ran cold.

No. It couldn’t be.

Further down the street, a black dog was trotting behind some students towards the edge of town. It was so similar to the one that helped rescue me from the werewolf. No… It was smaller than I remembered. Definitely smaller. And perhaps with shorter hair. Maybe my memories have altered things. Maybe it’s not the same dog. It was hard to tell from so far away. It surely can’t be.

But what if it is?

I decided that I needed to know.

“That dog,” was all I managed to stutter out. Then I pulled away from Sirius, my eyes fixed on the black animal.

I took off running at full speed down the street, snow falling heavier and heavier by the second.

 


	11. A Hell of a Lot to Take In

 

“Erin! Hey, Erin! Wait! Stop!”

I could faintly hear Sirius calling after me as I sprinted down the street, dodging puddles and clumps of shoppers. A quiet ringing noise had started to take over my ears, muffling everything except one thought: Get to that dog.

I watched its tail disappear down a side street, heading towards the hills. My heart thudded. Almost skidding into a group of younger Hufflepuffs, I slid around the corner and caught the sight of its back legs wriggling through a gap in a fence. My heart beat pounded in my ears. It didn’t matter that my lungs were screaming for breath.

I ran after the dog, taking the fence at speed and using one hand to vault myself over. It led onto a path that followed away from the village, through a patch of woods and further out into the countryside. Trees started to grow thick and fast on either side of me as I followed blindly after the animal. A branch whipped my cheek sharply. My feet carried on.

Before long, I had completely lost sight of it.

But this had to mean something. I was _so_ sure of it. I had to keep going. It’ll show up again. _Certainly_.

I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t given those three animals from that night a second thought. The stag, the rat… The dog. After all, if it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t be here now. Maybe I want to give my thanks, I wonder to myself, as each leaping step pounds in my ears. I owe them my life. I _have_ to give them something back. I have to find out what they were doing there that night.

The woods opened up and I found myself midway up a hill, looking out onto the valley. My feet ground to a halt as I decided to catch my breath. My throat was burning from the cold and I panted for breath, stretching my arms up to try and ease the pain in my chest. As I scanned the area for the dog, my eyes fell on a small derelict building at the top of the nearest hill.

My arms drop to my sides, lost of all energy. I was staring at the fabled Shrieking Shack.

I took in the boarded up windows and wooden panels building up its exterior. The mouldy shade of its walls and its two, small but obvious, floors pulled at my memory.

It clicked.

And the fear almost choked me.

That’s the place the werewolf was that night. That’s where Snape left me. I was in the haunted _Shrieking Shack_ the whole time. I let my legs give way underneath my weight. All I could do was stare, listening to my strong heartbeat and letting the snow seep through my jeans.

It’s not haunted after all. It’s the home to a werewolf once a month.

A scuffle of noise to my right made me pull out my wand and clamber onto my knees. My hand shook, pointed outwards at the sound. It’s not a full moon. Don’t panic. You’re safe.

A small wet nose appeared from behind a tree as the black dog from earlier appeared. It trod over to where I knelt, curiously sniffing at the ground every so often. When it reached me, it pressed its cold nose onto my thigh. I realised quickly that this wasn’t the same dog – the breed was slightly different, as was the colouring and length of its fur. I was unsure whether to be relieved or annoyed at this.

“Hey boy,” I whispered, using my wand free hand to run my fingers across its fur. The dog sniffed at me with its black eyes. Sighing, I glanced back to the shack.

“You’re not who I was looking for. The dog I’m looking for has darker fur. And these brilliant silv-”

My blood ran cold. I froze.

No.

No.

Fuck. The dog from that night had silver eyes.

Silver eyes. Erin. You are so stupid. You’ve seen those silver eyes before.

I choked on the breath I had been holding. No. There was no way.

My memory painfully replayed the scene over and over. The dog. Padding down the stairs. It helped me over to the trapdoor. It had met my eyes. More than animal. More emotion than any animal I had ever met.

The rat. The stag.

I felt like I was going to faint. Or suffocate. Or have a panic attack.

Definitely the latter.

I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt tight and constricted as I wheezed in and out. Nothing I could see was in focus.

_It was them._

The dog seemed to sense my panic because it gave a short yelp and padded in a circle around me before taking off into the woods again. My hand missed the warmth of its fur. But the thought of it sticking around made me feel sick. I didn’t want to see another dog for a millennia.

Breathe, Erin, Breathe. I tried to push the horrible realisation out of my mind to focus on keeping myself together. Funnily enough, I wasn’t very good at it.

I could never look at the Marauders again. I was _embarrassed_. Embarrassed that I had been so scared in front of them. That people who I could call close friends had seen me in that state of panic. And so, so mad that they hadn’t told me; that they let me suffer with nightmares and scars; that they didn’t give me the option of talking about what happened with someone who could understand. All my fear welled up into rage. I found my breath levelling out. This is their fault. They can share the blame with Snape for fucking my mind up. How dare they keep this from me?

Clenching my fists, I found the energy to stand. Without a second to think it through, I started to march back into the woods, returning the way I came. I saw nothing but the path ahead of me. Those bastards. And _him_. How could he be around me and act so- so oblivious?

I guess that wasn’t so true. All the shifty secrets and silences to my questions slotted into place. They can transform into animals, and for _some_ reason, that secret is more important than helping me heal. All of my memories from today turned sour. I was in love with a liar.

“Erin? Erin?” Out of the blue, I heard a soft voice calling for me.  
“Lily?” I shouted back, whipping my head around to try and spot her.

I catch up with her at the fence on the edge of town. She’s all layered up in a huge coat and scarf, but her cheek and ears are bright pink from the weather. Her eyes widen when she sees me, flicking down the my wet jeans and back up to my dishevelled expression.  
“Erin! There you are! We’ve been looking all… over…” Lily trails off, lifting one hand to her mouth, sensing something wrong.  
Wordlessly, I clamber back over the gate and take a shaky breath.  
“I’m here now.”

I start striding immediately back to the high street, my hands curled into tight fists. I can’t decide if I want to march right up to the boys and confront them, or crawl back to my bed and cry.  
Lily followed, jogging slightly to match my speed.  
“Erin, what’s wrong? Where did you go? Sirius came rushing into the Three Broomsticks like a mad man! Said you completely freaked out and took off. We’ve all been out looking but-”  
“Remember how I said I didn’t want to talk about what happened to me?” I say suddenly, causing Lily to jump.  
“Y-yeah?”  
“I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to tell you. Snape put me in the fucking Shrieking Shack – the one that I just rediscovered through those woods right there – And your beloved James Potter and the rest of his scumbag friends knew. They knew, Lily. They were _there_. And guess what else was there? A werewolf. A werewolf that tried to kill me. Almost succeeded, to be honest. But those bloody Marauders were there. And failed to tell me.”  
I finished ranting, realising that Lily was no longer beside me. She had stopped in her tracks a few paces back with an expression on her like she’d been dunked in freezing water. Her hands hung limply at her sides. I stopped too, turning to face her, my anger wavering.

“Lily? Hello?” I waved a hand over her eye line. A tight knot squirmed in my stomach. I worried that I’d frightened her too much.  
“Y-yeah,” Lily mustered, shaking her head. “Sorry. Lot to take in. Um. Sorry. Can we rewind a minute?”  
I nodded in response. Nervously, I clasped my hands at my waist and waited for her to chew her lip in thought.   
“You- Okay- The werewolf, yeah, okay… I’d figured that out ages ago. But… _how_ were the other boys there too without getting injured?” Lily tilted her head and pierced me with a sharp gaze.  
“They… Wait, you figured _what_ out?”

We stared at each other in silence, the snowy wind whirling around us. I got the feeling that we were both the holders of dangerous information. I wasn’t sure if I could actually say the words out loud to her: Every Marauder learnt how to be an animagus.

Except…

Wait. _Every_ Marauder didn’t.

I only saw… three… animals…

So. The other. No. No.

In the middle of the cobbled street, looking into the knowing eyes of my best friend, all the pieces slotted into place.

“Oh my god,” I mumbled, before crouching down in a panic and placing my hands over the hat that Sirius had given me what felt like years ago.

“Oh my god.” I repeated and repeated and repeated.

My muscles felt strained to the max. I couldn’t breathe properly.

Tiny pale hands were placed on my knees. I heard a gentle voice over the pounding in my head.  
“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re safe now. You’re safe.”

But it wasn’t okay.

All I could see in my mind was the fragile smile of Remus Lupin as he tried so hard to be nice to me over the past week. He was trying so hard.

Because he had accidently almost killed me.

I felt all the blood rush to my head.

Just before I passed out, I swore I heard Sirius’s voice calling out my name, and feeling warm, strong hands catch my back as I toppled backwards into darkness.

 


	12. Satisfaction

I realised that I was in an unfamiliar place before I had even opened my eyes. A bed. I was definitely lying on a bed. The fabric was soft under the palms by my sides – I knew I wasn’t in any immediate danger. It was silent, except for an underlying rustling sound like someone nearby couldn’t sit still. All I knew was that my head was pounding and I felt ridiculously confused.

So I flicked my eyes open, revealing the red canopy of a bed stretched above my head. Huh. A Gryffindor bed.

Feeling my bones ache with every move, I slowly pushed upwards, the room spinning momentarily. I blinked, took in the scene before me, then blinked again. I realised where I was with an awkward shudder: The Marauders dorm.

Across from me, Lily sat on a trunk watching me cautiously. Her legs were crossed and she had one hand leant back onto James Potter’s bed, where he perched behind her like a deer in headlights. How fitting. Next to James, Sirius was pacing up and down, staring at the floor and nibbling on his thumb. Peter was sat silently cross legged on another bed.

Remus was harder to spot. He was curled up behind James on the bed, his knees at his chest and his expression unable to read.

Remus. A werewolf. The werewolf from that night. Okay. Right. Sure.

I cleared my throat and all eyes shot to me.

“What’s going on?” I managed to squeak out, my stomach churning with nerves.

James and Sirius exchanged a look.

“How did I get here?” I pressed, shuffling to sit upright. I made a sudden movement with my legs and my heart dropped as I saw Remus flinch, ever so slightly.

Thankfully (because I would have gutted the boys if they had tried to make excuses), it was Lily who spoke first.

“You passed out, hun. Sirius carried you back. You’ve been out for around half an hour,” she explained, her green eyes not blinking once. She was unnaturally still, her long hair draped over one shoulder.

“What’s going on?” I repeated, this time attempting to stand. As soon as I had pushed myself upwards, my head span and the room blurred. A shuffle of a noise and then two strong hands were pushing me down again and someone was telling me to rest.

I batted Sirius’s hands away and couldn’t bring myself to look into those ridiculous silver eyes.

Resigned, I leant back against the pillows and let my eyes focus again. James hadn’t moved, his body tense and rigid.

“Is this an intervention? To make sure I don’t spill your secrets?” I started, my voice more spiteful than I intended. Sirius moved to the end of the bed I was on and he leant against a bed post, glancing back at James.

No one spoke. All the rage from earlier was trickling back into my blood.

“You honestly think that I would do that? How long have we known each other? You really don’t trust me that much?”

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, it’s-” Sirius started, in a strained voice.

“Oh right. Ha! Well if you really didn’t mind me knowing that the fucking three of you are animagus’s then why didn’t you tell me when I was losing my mind over the past week or so!”

“Erin, it’s more complicated than that,” Sirius sighed, trying to find his words. I saw Lily and James glance at each other out of the corner of my eye. Even Lily was in on this… I just want someone to tell me the whole truth.

Silence hung in the air as if they expected me to retaliate again. But a deep, sad feeling was pouring into me until I was brimming with hurt from their secrets. I forced myself to raise my eyes to meet Sirius’s. The same eyes that looked into mine in the shack; the same eyes that only earlier today I looked into and felt like I couldn’t be happier.

I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them. My voice trembled. I felt a stinging behind my eyes.

“…How could you pretend like you weren’t there? I almost died.”

James and Sirius stared at the floor as if it would spare them my helpless gaze. Even Lily looked on the edge of tears. Peter hadn’t moved since I had woken up.

The silence was broken by the person I thought least likely to.

Lupin bit his lip from where he was half hid behind James on the bed. He nodded to himself before swinging his legs over the bed and pushing himself up with shaky hands. Everyone’s eyes shot to him, but Remus kept his focus on me, a slightly embarrassed smile on his lips.

“Erin,” he took in a deep breath, “I’m really sorry for what happened to you. I can’t believe that Snape would be cruel enough to put you in that situation, especially after…” Remus glanced to the ceiling as if a bad memory had hit him, “…well after a similar thing happened to himself only a few months ago.”

Sirius’s hands jerked suddenly to grip his shirt like an electric shot had pulsed down his spine. For the first time in my life, I saw Sirius’s face show complete guilt. Remus ignored him purposefully.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that after that night, we thought it was best if you were spared the truth…” Remus paced across the room and sat down on the end of my bed, his hands being meticulously wrought. “It was a decision the others let me make. After the first mishap of letting Snape know about… condition, I had no idea what Dumbledore would say if he knew it happened again.  James, Sirius and Peter- their animagus forms aren’t exactly… legal, and if you accidently let slip about those animals being there that night…” Remus blinked at me, struggling for words. “If he knew that once again, I had almost killed another student, I- I could be- we could-”

Remus looked at his shaking hands and all of a sudden, James was next to him, throwing his arm across Lupin’s shoulders.  
“Moony, it’s not your fault. None of it is.”

For the first time, it all clicked. And I understood.

This wasn’t about me.

This was about keeping Remus safe. That’s why they had learnt to become animagus’s. To protect him.

He was right. If Dumbledore found out that _another_ students life had been at risk, his usual understanding and forgiving nature could be tested. Especially if he found out about their illegal animal forms. The boys would be punished severely. Remus might have to leave the school. He’d be labelled a danger to the students. He might be torn away from his family. His whole life would be ruined. Remus didn’t want to hurt anyone. But the Wizarding Community would see him as a monster.

“I’m so sorry, Remus…” I whispered, leaning across to pat his hand. “I would never tell anyone, you know that right?”

“I know, Erin. I should have told you about the wolf after that night. It would have saved you so much torture. I’ve heard about your dreams and-” Remus’s voice broke, “I can’t apologise enough. But my whole life, I’ve had to keep this a secret. It was my fear that stopped us from telling you. Not everyone is as open minded as these guys.”

“Like James said, it’s not your fault.” A rage started bubbling inside me again, but this time, it was not directed at my friends. It was a protective sort of anger. And the target was one particular slimy Slytherin. I glanced at the other Marauders, lingering on Sirius longer than the other boys, “You were protecting Remus by not telling me. I know how bad the stigma surrounding werewolves is. I understand. You four put each other first before anyone else, I get it. I would have done the same for Lily. You’re doing the right thing protecting him on the full moon. I’m not mad at any of you. No one was permanently hurt. And now I know your side, I feel a hell of a lot better, to be honest with you.”

I was telling the truth. Knowing that there wasn’t an evil werewolf out there trying to hunt me down, I felt a lot lighter. I had been scared of this unknown dark creature that I thought was going to take me back to that shack and try and kill me, just for the fun of it. But now I know the Marauders were doing their best to make sure that the wolf didn’t hurt anyone. They had it under control. At least when Snape didn’t get involved…

“You’re getting that look on your face, Erin,” Lily piped up, uncertainly.

“What look?” I feigned, gathering my strength and finding that I could stand up without feeling faint.

“That look when you’re planning something.”

“Me? Planning something?” I grinned at her, feeling a spark inside me that I hadn’t felt since before the last full moon.

I started towards the door. When I pulled the handle open, I glanced behind me at Sirius and smirked at him, “You coming?”

\-----

No one could figure out how all of Snape’s clothes had been permanently dyed bright pink and no one could figure out the counter curse. Or how to stop the smell of dung bombs following him. Or how to stop the floor underneath him from turning to slippery ice whenever he walked into the Great Hall. Or how to stop his voice sometimes rising a few octaves.

One morning, about two weeks after the boys had told me the whole truth, I was eating breakfast in the Great Hall with Lily. I was feeling great, having been able to sleep without terrible haunting nightmares ever since that chat. Sure I got the odd twinge, but I was able to deal with my fear and anxiety on the subject a lot better. I felt refreshed and closer to my friends than I have ever done before. Lily had her head in a Transfiguration text book, revising for the class we had this afternoon. I was pilling a second helping of bacon onto my plate when I heard the usual laughter echo from the front of the hall – Snape had entered and, as per norm, fallen to the floor, his face bright red with anger and embarrassment. He was wearing black robes, most likely borrowed from someone in his house due to his own being not of the regulation black colour.

I smirked to myself and continued to eat my breakfast.

“You should really take that charm down now. It’s been long enough,” Lily’s voice chided from behind the pages of her book.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said nonchalantly, twisting my fork at her.  
“You know full well what I’m talking about. You’re bullying him. He’s gonna snap soon and try to get his own back.”  
I lowered my voice, “It’s not life or death though is it?”  
She made a huffing noise in disapproval. “I don’t agree with your method of revenge, that’s all.”

A shadow appeared over my plate.  
“Carter.” A voice sneered.” A strong scent of dung bombs floated up my nose.  
I slowly finished chewing and swallowing my bacon before setting my fork down and twisting my head to peer up at Snape.  
“Morning! Lovely day, isn’t it,” I smiled brightly at him, “Would have been better seeing you in those luscious pink robes you have. They _so_ went with your eyes.”  
Lily put down her book and raised her eyebrows at me. I watched Snape’s cheeks flush.  
“Shut up. I’ve had enough. Take these stupid charms off me or I’ll hex you with curses far worse than you could ever imagine.”

I sighed, faking pity.   
“Right here in the Great Hall? Snivellus, you can’t prove I put those spells on you.”  
Snape narrowed his eyes, “I know it was you.”  
I shrugged as if I couldn’t care less, “You’re ruining my breakfast. Please leave.”  
“Take the charms off.”  
“No.”  
“Erin-” Lily tried to interrupt.  
“I don’t need your help,” Snape spat at her.  
“Woah. Woah,” I rose up to standing and Snape took a step back, “Don’t be rude to Lily. That’s crossing the line.”  
“And living like this isn’t?” I could tell by his expression that I was really riling him up. But we were in the middle of the Great Hall with all the teachers’ eyes on us. I was going to have to end this without a bunch of hexes thrown about. I had enough trouble keeping out of detention as it was.  
“Okay. I’ll give you a deal. I’ll tell whoever put those spells on you to take them off, and in return, you never bother me or any of my friends again. I mean, no comments under your breath, no hexes thrown our way, nothing. You don’t talk to Lily, you don’t make remarks about James or Sirius or anyone.”  
He said nothing, trying to think of any sort of catch.  
“Oh, I’ll also throw in not telling Dumbledore that you tried to have me killed.”  
Snape glared at me.   
“Quickly, please. I want your stench gone so I can finish my breakfast without becoming ill.”

Snape glanced at Lily and his face straightened.  
“Fine. Deal.”  
“If you break your side of the bargain, those charms will come right back.”  
“Fine! Fine! Deal!”  
We shook hands for half a second, before he stormed over to the Slytherin table, throwing himself down in a huff.

I settled back down and started eating again as if nothing had happened. One glance at the head table showed me that both Dumbledore and McGonagall were beaming at me. I smiled.

“That was mature of you Erin. Not one slur word or hex. I’m proud of you,” Lily pursed her lips and leant her head on her palm.  
“Thank you.”

Sirius threw himself down onto the bench next to me. I smiled at him and turned to greet James, who appeared next to Lily.  
“Was that you shaking hands with Snivellus I just saw?” Sirius furrowed his brow before grabbing a piece of toast and munching a huge piece off.  
“I simply told him to stay out of our way, and in return, we’d take the charms off.”  
“Woah, really? That was… kind?” James grimaced at me, as if I’d grown a head.

I rolled my eyes, “How long do you think it’ll take Snape to break the deal? He can’t resist calling you a big headed jerk. I give it a week before we have to put them back on. As long as he’s nice, we’re nice.”  
James’s face grew into a wide grin, “I love it.”  
Lily rolled her eyes and began to read her book again. I knew she was trying to hide her smile.

“You’re a genius, Erin,” Sirius beamed at me. I turned my head to smile at him and was caught half way, by his hand pulling my cheek towards him. He crashed his lips against mine for a second before we both flinched back in surprise. We hadn’t kissed since our date in Hogsmede. Not that I hadn’t thought about it. Of course, I’d thought about it. Oh god.

Sirius, wide eyed, stuttered, “Sorry- I- I just did it without thinking- I-”  
I relaxed into a grin, “Come here, you idiot.”

I pulled his tie towards me and kissed him, soft and smiling. I felt Sirius relax and slowly move his lips against mine. I heard James whooping from across the table and I let out a small giggle. His hand moved to my hair. I couldn’t feel happier! Butterflies were doing somersaults in my chest.

We leaned back and I looked into Sirius’s eyes. Those stupid silver eyes.

“I’m your idiot though,” Sirius grinned lopsidedly. His hair was falling into eyes elegantly and his tie was twisted to one side. He was perfect. And mine.

“Yes. Yes you are.”

 


End file.
